tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85720299572731431882024-03-13T02:53:34.070-07:00The Angry Reporter"Bullshit Is My Enemy."The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.comBlogger446125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-49721817717797573422014-11-12T06:00:00.000-08:002014-11-20T06:00:42.072-08:00Smuttynose RIP<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My cat Smuttynose, a.k.a. Smutty,
Smutters, Nosey, Noser, Tigger, Fluffyface, Winkins, Scion of Evil, and Elnie’s
Baby, died on Nov. 1. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Smuttynose came into my life in
2000, a birthday present from my ex-wife. We went to a local animal shelter to
pick out a kitten, but we found a scared orange cream neutered male cat who
winced in his cage. We brought him home and he immediately hid under the bed
(as newbie cats are wont to do), but through time he showed an eagerness and
friendliness towards humans. He was more dog than cat, always exploring
whenever people were about. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
During my separation, Smuttynose
came to live with me in my shitty (former)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>apartment. He stood by me, all whiskers and fluffy paws,
through divorce, moving, evacuation from Hurricane Sandy and moving again. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My girlfriend Elnie fell in love
with him and called him her baby. He was a well-fed, well-loved house-lion, a
tiny beastie who never lashed out in anger and was a gentle creature. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
He was the King of Kitties.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
But even kings are not incorruptible
to the crushing forces of time.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
He developed diabetes, a heart
murmur and early stages of kidney disease. We gave him two shots of insulin for
a year and worked on lowering his blood pressure. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A month before he died, he vomited
six times in one day, prompting an emergency vet visit. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Then, on Nov. 1, we noticed him
limping, dragging his left front paw. I knew immediately what was happening.
We’d have to say goodbye.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The vet told us he developed a
blood clot. Though she recommended a follow-up with a cardiologist and an
aspirin regimen, the vet’s grim prognosis was that Smuttynose had six months
left. He would be living in pain, and if nothing could be done, the limb would
turn gangrenous and have to be amputated. The idea of a tripod cat didn’t
appeal to us, since the poor animal suffered too much already. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We decided to have him humanely put
down. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I sign the papers authorizing the
euthanasia as he sits on the examination table, one leg folded under He’s been
through so much, a lifetime of bliss and trauma. He’s an old man, stricken with
diabetes and a heart murmur. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The vet inserts the catheter as
Smuttynose rests comfortably on a plaid blanket. We say our goodbyes, but are
still in shock. Even when the vet inserts the first injection, the one which
will stop his heart and “send him to heaven” as the aide told us, time freezes.
Smuttynose’s head sinks low. His pink tongue lolls out of his mouth, his eyes
wide open. Elnie and I lose it. I turn away, unable to process what’s
happening. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In that one horrible transformative
moment, he ceases to exist. He’s gone, leaving his still-warm body curled in a
heap on the blanket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Smuttynose embarks on his final
journey, one taking him beyond the stars to Bastet’s realm. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My first pet and four-legged child is
no more, dust for the ages. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Shaken, we thank the vet and her
assistants and leave silently. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Five days later we receive the
cremated remains in a rosewood box adorned with a brass engraved plaque reading
“NOSEY”. We also receive a card about the Rainbow Bridge, a mythical place in
the afterlife where all pets go to await their owners. It was beautiful and
comforting. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We bought a bouquet of flowers and
delivered it to the animal hospital, thanking them for the compassion they
showed during the whole agonizing ordeal. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’d like to think Smuttynose is on
the Rainbow Bridge, chasing squirrels and birds, rejuvenated and young,
breathing sweet air and eternal happiness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-34487177126048821642014-09-07T17:31:00.000-07:002014-09-07T17:32:31.835-07:00The Muse's VisitLate tonight, while in the doldrums of boredom, my muse manifested. She's a tough old broad, part Ruth Gordon, part General Patton. A crusty dame chomping on a cigar, eyes narrowed into a skeptic scowl as if she's heard every whiny procrastination from hack writers on why they're not writing.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Writer's block? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
She'd tell you, in a salty Brooklyn accent, gruff and candid; "Quit yer whinin' ya pantywaist! Ya think everything's easy? Get writin'!"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
She's brittle, honest and pulls no punches, except when she's punching me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Come on, genius!" she snaps, slapping the back of my head as I write this. "Pull those words out your ass if ya have to! Just get 'em down!"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I've missed that muse. Longing for some spark of divine brilliance to strike me, a lightning bolt from Olympus, filled with the glittery stuff capable of inspiring greatness and changing the world. </div>
<div>
Or in my feeble case, enabling me to compose something that doesn't suck a lamprey's anus. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Writing is difficult, a mentally strenuous endeavor, both exhausting and unrewarding. Slinging words onto the page like a short order cook slings corned beef hash on the griddle, except writing never gave anybody indigestion. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sometimes I wish the fates aligned, the heavens opened up and words trickled out of my brain onto the page like a sweet summer rain dripping on an emerald field, cool and comforting. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Nice metaphor, Shakespeare. Maybe ya ought to stand in a coffee house and read this out loud to a bunch of hipsters," the muse said. "Maudlin jackass!"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Her bony fingers remove the cigar from her mouth and she blows a jet of smoke at my face. Coughing, I wave the noxious cloud away. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"What's the big idea?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Can't a lady have a smoke? Helps me to relax," she says, her voice like gravel mixed with Scotch and poured into an asthmatic's trachea. "Ya wouldn't begrudge me a little relaxation, would ya? I got a busy schedule."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"You haven't exactly inspired me, muse. What are you busy doing?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Muse stuff. I attend muse conferences where we dish about struggling artists and writers. Most of 'em are effeminate art school students praying for miracles," the muse said, chortling. "Others are waiting for their big break." </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Have you talked about me?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The muse took another draw on her stogie.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"It's always about you, isn't it? Ya always mope and bitch about your plight, your struggle with words," the muse said, flicking cigar ashes on the floor. "What an ego. Self-absorbed instead of drinking in the world around ya."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"That doesn't answer my question."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
She made a face which resembled a carburetor and a dead monkfish. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Of course I talked about ya," she admitted. "How could I not? So much kvetching and griping. 'Muse, I need help writing', or 'Muse, please give me a good idea.' Well I can't give you ideas, can I? That's not how this whole megillah works."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Look, you're a muse. Muses inspire artists, writers, musicians in the creative arts. You're where ideas come from."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Wrong again, boychick! Think of me as a subliminal advertisement playing underneath some movie. You don't really see or hear me consciously, but I'm there. Whispering. Suggesting. Imparting kernels of brilliance."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Well? Impart. I'm as dry as the Sahara here."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Not so fast! Ya cramp my style!," the muse said, and peered over my shoulder at my laptop. Her etherial eyes scanned the words on the screen, and she emitted a low growl.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"That's it? That's all ya got?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Flustered, I put my head in my hands, a hunched, dismal failure. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"It's a decent start," she said, taking a puff of the cigar. "Maybe we can punch up this bad boy a little."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"It's good? Right? That's what you said. It's good?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Relax, Lord Byron. I said it was a decent start. Maybe you should try reading more, absorbing everything like a literary sponge slurping up words. Devour it. Engorge yourself on stories. Slake your appetite on prose and poetry," she said. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Reading has escaped me. I've been spending all my time working my day job. My nose is rarely in a book."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"That's the problem, isn't it? Day job. Journalism. What a waste of good talent. Interviewing nudnik politicians and scribbling editorials about, what, exactly?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Local issues like the economy, jobs, development."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Boring! If I wanted to go to sleep, I'd swallow an Ambien," the muse said, and leaned her bony back against the wall. Her gown, a gossamer cloth woven by celestial beings and garnished with unicorn piss and leprechaun shit flowed around her. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"I saw what you wrote about my clothes just now," the muse observed, scrunching her face. "Wiseass."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Thing is, I need my profession. It pays the bills and allows me to write...something, at least."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Folding her arms, the muse paused in thought. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"I get it, pal," she said at last. "Ya don't wanna be a schlemiel. You're doing the responsible thing. But be forewarned, scribbler. Never let your day job kill the writer ya wanna be. Make sacrifices, only make the right ones. It's important you get yer ass movin' and get writin'."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"That's what I'm trying to do," I confessed. "Only the writer's block..."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"What have I said about writer's block?" the muse said, rolling her eyes. "It doesn't exist. Might as well be dancing the two-step with Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and the Easter Bunny."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Returning to my laptop, I attempted to resurrect these words, typing as thought came to me, ripping sentences into being from the dismal ether and constructing something fresh and new. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Writing is hard. It's a turbulent, exhausting exercise in futility. Yet it can be rewarding. When everything clicks and words flow like a mighty monsoon. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Again with the weather metaphors," the muse's shrill voice echoed through the room. "Lose the bullshit, Balzac. It makes ya look freakin' ridiculous." </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-41170913412753925132014-08-27T16:36:00.000-07:002014-09-07T17:32:13.709-07:00Epiphany Realized journalism has done serious damage to my writing. For years, it's been a struggle to recapture a poetic essence of expression.<br />
<br />
At 23, I devoured dreams and spilled them onto the page, dribbling like a Jackson Pollock painting. A beautiful arrangement of words.<br />
<br />
But as I grew older and more cynical and jaded, that beauty faded. Reality hasn't been kind, and I paid for it.<br />
<br />
My writing's been uneven, stilted. Trouble concentrating and keeping focused on creating beauty.<br />
<br />
Reporting is about getting it down fast, not creating beauty. It is why I'm frustrated. Journalism is ruining my ability to really write.<br />
<br />
Writers weave a tapestry of beauty and truth. They make you glad you're alive. Journalism is a bitter seed, a ruinous path leading nowhere.<br />
<br />
They say journalism is the first draft of history. Who want to publish a first draft? First drafts always suck.<br />
<br />
So I'll strive to become a better writer, even if it costs me my sanity. So it goes. Thanks for reading my rant. Good night.The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-84775719068910001222014-07-23T15:15:00.000-07:002014-07-23T15:15:35.139-07:00Book of the Bunny<div style="-x-system-font: none; display: block; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,Sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 12px auto 6px auto;">
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">It's 1994.
CompuServe connects humanity, a network beholden to subscribers chattering
about politics, pop culture and fetish porn. Truly the Internet's darkest days.
Amid this cesspool of text and Netscape Navigator's crude pixels,
CompuServe subscribers engaged in pernicious flame wars and mundane conversation in
a multitude of forums.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">So 24-year-old me
stumbled upon the religion forum and discovered the Church of the Bunny, a
cyber-religion by a group of people tired of religious fundamentalism. A nice
man named Rich Coleman from Virginia assumed the mantle of Pope Rich, the
church's creator. If you "joined" the Church of the Bunny, you were
given a regal title and addressed as such. I started out as Father Eric, but
was "promoted" to Lt. Jr. Grade Pope Eric. Not too shabby.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">So what did the
Church of the Bunny actually do? Pretty much anything. The whole idea was to
have fun according to the Bunny, a gigantic rabbit and the church's fluffy,
cuddly deity. Church members engaged in silly banter, chatted and griped about their daily lives, and generally were just awesome to each other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">In the vein of the
Church of the SubGenius, I created an official Church of the Bunny logo and
newsletter. I designed and printed out the newsletter on my computer,
photocopied and distributed it throughout the country, to the ten or so members
who requested it. I published a few issues before tackling the biggest project,
the Church of the Bunny's bible. Organized religions must have their own tracts
and scriptures, written teachings available to the unwashed masses. Why can't
the Church of the Bunny get a taste of proselytizing bliss?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">The Book of the
Bunny (as this most holy hopping tome is called) began as a few CompuServe
posts, organized like the bible with chapters and verses. Somewhere it morphed
into a printed book complete with illustrations and a dogmatic treatise of
rules and regulations. I printed out one solitary copy, stuffed it in a box and
forgot about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">Years passed. I had
moved away from my childhood home, gotten married, then divorced, then rented
an old apartment. All my worldly possessions jammed into one small room I
called the "junk room". While rifling through these boxes, I made a
miraculous discovery. Crammed at the bottom of a cardboard box, underneath a
stack of old bills and weepy, angsty poetry, was the elusive Book of the Bunny
and the newsletters! They hadn't been pulped to nothingness as I once thought.
They survived the move! Praise the Bunny!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">Perusing these
writings, has left me with a few impressions:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">1. Apparently I was
very talented, funny and energetic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">2. I also was a
decent cartoonist.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">3. The people on
that CompuServe forum long ago appreciated my twisted sense of humor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">Where am I going
with all of this?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">Time is the great
equalizer. The older I get, the more nostalgic I feel. Even though CompuServe,
the Church of the Bunny and the goofy kid I used to be no longer exist, having
this antiquated document reminds me of that bygone age. It was the first time I
conversed via Internet with people who lived across the country. We shaped and
crafted this bizarre and silly thing, this funny religion based around bunnies,
napping and snacking. A shot of innocence during an innocent age.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">2014 makes it 20
years since the Church of the Bunny became a thing. Two decades have passed. As
such, it's incumbent upon me to celebrate the Book of the Bunny's sanctified
existence. I scanned the whole megillah and am offering it to the world. Read
the divinely-inspired madness from the Church of the Bunny. Uncover lost wisdom
of the Book of Bunesis, thrill to the Bunny reproduction manual, and sing to a
selection of church hymns. The book also has an official Church of the Bunny
membership card and papal indulgence for those times temptation beckons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">BE FOREWARNED! This
is a HUGE file. At 93.7 MB, it takes up scads o' space, so be aware before
downloading. Also, the quality of the book is pretty amateurish. Hey, I was 24,
with limited resources. I proofread it the best I could, but spelling and
grammatical mistakes are bound to pop up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">That's about it. I'm
making this PDF available to share the book's rediscovery 20 years later. I've
also included some of the original CompuServe posts to provide a glimpse of
what the Church of the Bunny was like, from the rugged men and women in the trenches who lived it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">If anybody from the
Church of the Bunny is reading this, thank you. All of you. Though you might
not remember me, you left an indelible impact on my life, and forced me to
create this wonderfully ridiculous book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-font-kerning: .5pt;">Peace out.</span><span style="font-size: 15.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Noteworthy Light";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/234909341/Book-of-the-Bunny" style="text-decoration: underline;" title="View Book of the Bunny on Scribd">Book of the Bunny</a></div>
<iframe class="scribd_iframe_embed" data-aspect-ratio="undefined" data-auto-height="false" frameborder="0" height="600" id="doc_81949" scrolling="no" src="//www.scribd.com/embeds/234909341/content?start_page=1&view_mode=scroll&show_recommendations=true" width="100%"></iframe>The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-81789153223891474122014-07-10T15:22:00.000-07:002014-07-18T15:29:46.104-07:00My Old T-Shirt CollectionRummaging through my parent's house, I discovered a few tattered T-shirts from a bygone era (the 1990s). Yes, I like wearing comfortable cotton T-shirts. Always have. Yet with the passing years, tastes as well as styles inevitably change. What a young, lusty rake finds desirable and fashionable, the middle aged man ridicules, tosses his head heavenward and barks "What ever was I thinking?"<br />
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Such is the laughable saga of my former T-shirts, those breezy garments I donned on college campuses during my carefree halcyon days. </div>
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Being a journalist and chronicler of mankind's folly, I pulled a few of these stinkers out, photographed and converted them into pixels for your amusement. </div>
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Steal yourself, gentle reader, for the images contained hereafter are embarrassing and shocking, even to a jaded 21st century audience. </div>
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Keep in mind as you peruse these pathetic photos: I wore these during a particular phase of my life - my early twenties - when my exposure to the wider world was severely limited. My weltanschauung still in its embryonic stages, a paltry adolescent instead of the fully-formed, self-acualized studmuffin I am today. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiImiw2FqnGBEAxu7AB0q37EJ0LwX_EGuYRCWw2vsSjE6qinmP0rbwJ_Nd4Ag0TvUQfNYye1j0NsYi5lvgvhyphenhyphen6uJfSRaYPvFQpIV6yoCgU-Rv1inp50hlDD7_okmJtiPc_XJ9FWVpsXCS8/s1600/securedownload-4.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiImiw2FqnGBEAxu7AB0q37EJ0LwX_EGuYRCWw2vsSjE6qinmP0rbwJ_Nd4Ag0TvUQfNYye1j0NsYi5lvgvhyphenhyphen6uJfSRaYPvFQpIV6yoCgU-Rv1inp50hlDD7_okmJtiPc_XJ9FWVpsXCS8/s1600/securedownload-4.jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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One of the tamest shirts I owned, a simple Armenian flag with a descriptor for the uninitiated. Armenia's national colors are red, blue and orange. The red symbolizes the blood of the martyrs, the blue the sky and the orange the land of the Armenian nation. At least that's what I tell the rubes who inquired about the shirt. Moving on...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVd-D8o1tcA_bvXw0Y710NSMT_rnECyVqH5DV1XDNoPPkwcGUG_kS5O_6OcZVRyIxzSUgkLEPJDmv2fgHcr7FRDwF1UCwvrH5YbxcZqxGNkQQ2zqyRzUuKP1vWNYktbVwi_MuEJHybqtA/s1600/securedownload-3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVd-D8o1tcA_bvXw0Y710NSMT_rnECyVqH5DV1XDNoPPkwcGUG_kS5O_6OcZVRyIxzSUgkLEPJDmv2fgHcr7FRDwF1UCwvrH5YbxcZqxGNkQQ2zqyRzUuKP1vWNYktbVwi_MuEJHybqtA/s1600/securedownload-3.jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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Back in the early 1990s, The Simpsons were all the rage. So anything with Bart Simpson on it became topical, a nod to contemporary pop culture and the zeitgeist of our time. There's officially licensed Simpsons products and there's this unfortunate drek. Bart Simpson is supposed to be Armenia, while that Apu-looking dude is Turkey. "Eat my vardigs, man!" is akin to Bart's oft-abused catchphrase "Eat my shorts, man!"Vardigs is Armenian for underwear. Just what I want on my clothing; references only a fraction of the population understands. I don't think I ever wore this T-shirt. I mean, who would? Armenia beating Turkey at anything is laughable and pathetic. Bart Simpson looks pissed off. He's winning the race! Even when he's winning and beating his ancestral foe, he's still flashing a hateful, glowering stare. I know the Armenian genocide happened a century ago, but ultra-nationalistic shit like this is moronic. If you wear this T-shirt, you're telling the world you like combining cartoons with Third World genocide. I don't get the point of this shirt.<br />
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WHO WOULD WEAR THIS UGLY THING?<br />
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Ralph Waldo Emerson. Transcendentalist philosopher, poet and intellectual heavyweight. Man of faith, words and ideas. Maybe this is why he's naked and striking a pose a la Rodin's The Thinker. Maybe he's wondering where he put his clothes. Or maybe he's embarrassed to be depicted on a T-shirt naked in the woods. Sit on a tree stump, get a splinter in your ass. Negates your "Nature" essay, doesn't it? One thing's for sure; I wasn't getting any girls with this T-shirt. Don't get me wrong: as a conversation starter, it's brilliant. As a pussy magnet, it's horrible. Women tend not to talk to you when you have naked poets on your shirt. In hindsight, this was a poor fashion choice. Moving on...<br />
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I attended Harvard University in the summer of 1993 as part of a summer studies program. Took an expository writing class. Soaked up the collegiate ivy league atmosphere almost as much as this T-shirt soaked up my armpit sweat. I wore the hell out of this shirt, even when I returned home. Studying at Harvard, even if it was one solitary class, was a rewarding and enlightening experience. I'm grateful my parents shelled out the cash for me to attend, almost as much as I'm grateful for this T-shirt.<br />
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We end not with a T-shirt, but a sweatshirt. Feeling bitterly cold in this godless, pitiful universe? Warm up with French existentialist philosopher and political activist Jean-Paul Sartre. Yes, the man who wrote "Hell is other people" will keep you toasty warm as Hell in this sweatshirt. In my early twenties, I read a lot of philosophy and fancied myself an intellectual. So naturally, I wanted my wardrobe to reflect these burgeoning heady pursuits. </div>
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WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH ME?</div>
The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-4898917188635086452014-06-28T04:35:00.001-07:002014-06-29T08:21:39.419-07:00Secrets of AetheriumFor the past few months, I've been writing Secrets of Aetherium, the Weird Science sourcebook for Ravaged Earth.<br />
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Secrets of Aetherium is unlike anything else I've written. Focusing specifically on scientific developments in the early 20th Century after mankind discovers the Martian Metal known as Aetherium, the book chronicles technological developments as they might have been. Creating alternate history is fun, if not challenging. You have to plan where your altered timeline deviates from the actual one, and develop any after-effects caused by monkeying around with history.<br />
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What would have happened if, after the War of the Worlds, the world's governments found an extraterrestrial element capable of almost miraculous feats? Our technological development would rocket lightyears ahead. Coupled with the futuristic vision of early 20th Century dreamers (when futurism wasn't a whimsical fantasy of anticipating ahead), technology would bequeath the 1930s orbital rockets, rayguns and levitating cars.<br />
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Dieselpunk, in all its oily, rivet-covered glory, would be ours.<br />
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This is the world of Ravaged Earth; a grimy, yet optimistic world of dashing sky pirates in massive airships, jetpacks and clunky robots, all anchored by the sensibilities of the 1930s.<br />
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Secrets of Aetherium will explore the social and ethical ramifications of exploiting the New Science. As scientists and inventors push the boundaries of what can be done, how far is too far? With these boundless vistas ahead, where mankind is limited only by imagination and resources, what's stopping a megalomaniac from creating death rays or a squadron of killer robots?<br />
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The answer is, the heroes.<br />
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Though I don't like discussing specifics of a product while in development, I can say Secrets of Aetherium will contain everything you need to play a pulpy scientist and inventor. Plumb the depths of Aetherium in your own private lab, or join the Institute for Modern Scientific Research, a consortium of like-minded, altruistic gadgeteers. Be one of three new races (Hybrid-Martian, Robot or Super Simian). Select from new Edges and Hindrances, vehicles and over 40 Weird Science gadgets and gizmos. The book also has rules for constructing robots and rocket ships, and a Plot-Point campaign.<br />
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Needless to say, it's an abundant amount of material to create and edit. My ultimate goal is to have the book completely written before summer's end, say in August. Most likely, writing will be placed on a temporary hiatus while I move in late July. Once I finally settle into my new digs, I'll continue working on Secrets of Aetherium.<br />
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Other Ravaged Earth news: I completed work on four one-sheet adventures which are winging their way through the editing process. There's also a New York City guidebook and Ravaged Tale also going through edits.<br />
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<br />The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-24091409791638280542014-06-18T10:49:00.001-07:002014-06-18T10:55:21.696-07:00My Faustian PactHunched over my laptop staring at the blinking cursor on the blank page. The whiteness on the glowing screen taunts me, an incessant "neener-neener" of a schoolyard bully. Will my words matter to anyone? Is writing just a cosmic joke, a colossal time suck, a delusion I've persisted under for 20 years?<br />
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Will I be anything but a rank amateur in a bloody clown circus of amateurs, sniffing the big top for peanuts and stepping in mountains of elephant shit? Can I finally cast off these shackles of anonymity and find sweet success?<br />
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Are my words making others happy? Am I fulfilled and complete?<br />
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Just as I extricate a large block of text with a swift movement of the cursor, flicking pixels on the screen like an axe murderer dismantling torsos in a Jacuzzi, a chilly wind blew through the room.<br />
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The unmistakable aroma of brimstone hit my nostrils and I spun around in my chair.<br />
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A gaunt gentleman in a Victorian frock and tophat stands behind me, stroking his tightly cropped and oiled goatee. Flashing me a Cheshire cat grin, the man introduces himself, his voice oily like a tin of sardines.<br />
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"Greetings, mortal. I am Mephistopheles. Some call me by other names. Beelzebub. Lucifer. Prince of Lies. Satan. The Great Deceiver. You can call me Blaine."<br />
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"Get the fuck out of my house, Blaine," I said, pointing at the door.<br />
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"Is that any way to treat a guest?" Blaine said, and sat on a nearby chair, first pushing a pile of books from the chair to the floor, where they crashed in a great heap. "Have writer's block, do you? Can't get those stubborn words from your beloved brainpan?"<br />
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"Seriously, I'm calling the cops if you don't leave."<br />
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"Ah, the writer's temperament. Frustrated because your inability to release those brilliant word nuggets onto the page, eh?" Blaine said, producing a red silk handkerchief from his vest pocket and dabbing his lips. "It's positively infernal, isn't it?"<br />
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"I'm dialing 9-1-1," I said, reaching for the phone.<br />
<br />
Before I knew it the iPhone transformed into a block of Bavarian chocolate an started melting in the stifling humidity.<br />
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"What the hell?"<br />
<br />
"Exactly!" Blaine said, tittering like a foppish dandy. "Hell is full of surprises, you know."<br />
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"Where's my fucking phone, Blaine?"<br />
<br />
"You don't need to get the authorities involved. I can make your wildest dreams and desires come true," Blaine said.<br />
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"So you're some kind of Victorian gay rent boy? Sorry, Blaine, I don't swing that way. I jut want to finish writing my story. Peddle your forbidden love candy somewhere else, ya freak."<br />
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Blaine wrinkled his brow.<br />
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"That's no way to treat a guest. I'm here because you need my help. You're a writer, but self-doubt and self-loathing plagues you. Nothing you try seems to work. None of your stories connects. You squeeze the trigger, but the bullets don't fire. You're not hitting your targets. Am I correct?"<br />
<br />
"What's it to you?" I said. "How did you get in here, anyway?"<br />
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"I can assist your writing career. I can make people love your work. The ideas will flow under my tutelage. Let me guide you. Why be a miserable hack when I can nourish your budding talents? Don't you want to be one of the most successful writers who's ever lived?"<br />
<br />
For a solid minute, I sat in silence, thinking about Blaine's offer. Does he really possess the ability to lift me from my torpor and jumpstart my career?<br />
<br />
Then it dawned on me.<br />
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"You're a literary agent, aren't you, Blaine?"<br />
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Blaine looked offended.<br />
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"No, I'm not."<br />
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"You are. You're totally a literary agent. Or maybe one of those con artists who trick writers into paying for a writing seminar and then dispense trite advice on preparing manuscripts and query letters," I said.<br />
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"All you have to do is sign this contract, pledging your immortal soul to me in exchange for success. You'll be prolific and witty. Your books will sell like hotcakes. You'll ride the gravy train to Beverly Hills and beyond."<br />
<br />
"I'll bet there's a fee. There's always a fee with you people. Or a membership. I'll have to buy a membership to your writing club, right? Maybe you're from a self-publishing business, ready to hook a few egotistical suckers."<br />
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"No! There are no seminars, no dues. No weekend writing getaways at a hotel in Woodbridge, New Jersey. Just sign your name in blood and that's it," Blaine said, rising to his cloven feet. He waved the contract at me, a brittle document with lavish, flowing script. "I'm the devil! All I want is your soul in exchange for something paltry and temporary you crave. That's it!"<br />
<br />
"So what's in it for me?"<br />
<br />
"Fame. Prosperity. A horde of loyal readers. I can give you an audience hanging on your every word. Your name will be on books from now until forever."<br />
<br />
I thought about it.<br />
<br />
"Fuck you. I'm calling the cops," I said, and moved towards the door.<br />
<br />
Blaine stamped his foot and a thunder clap sounded, shaking the house.<br />
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"Deny me this, son of man, and you'll be forced to slog indefinitely. Your words will be ignored, your name forfeit. Madness and insecurity will hound you for the rest of your days," Blaine said, his eyes glowing red.<br />
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"You're trespassing, Blaine. Fuck off," I said.<br />
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Blaine dissolved in a wisp of foul mist which smelled like rattlesnake farts and roadkill skunk guts. The gibbering moron was finally gone.<br />
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I sat back down at the computer and stared at the blank screen. Something brilliant was on the verge of being created, a future masterpiece ready to be born, yet the stubborn words would not come.<br />
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<br />The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-33592730670623218562014-05-12T21:29:00.001-07:002014-05-12T21:29:27.786-07:00Letter to a Future Tyrant
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Dear Sir, Madam, or Sentient
Computer Overlord,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Congratulations! Though guile, hard
work or insidious machinations, you’ve managed to wield undisputed, absolute
power.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Most likely you ascended by convincing people of your flawless abilities or maniac vision. You might have used your charisma or physical
force to murder thousands or millions of people you marginalized or demonized.
Despite how you achieved the position of world dictator, I feel it incumbent to
write and warn you of the eventual ramifications of your meddling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’m speaking from a framework of
the late 20<sup>th</sup> century to early 21<sup>st</sup> century, and don’t
know what your world looks like or how it operates. I’m assuming if humanity
didn’t unleash nuclear hellfire, that there is a functioning society in your
time, and that it operates much as ours did; people are born, have childhoods,
fall in love, work, have children, get old and die. In my time, we even had
moments of reflection called prayer, where we’d thank the great wizard in the
sky we called God. Assuming religion isn’t abolished or outlawed in the future,
I’d like to think people in your time still gather peacefully and pray.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
One problem from my time hinged
upon these prayers. People began praying for everything, and to not pray meant
you were some sort of secular humanist or subversive. As they did in the past,
politicians began summoning God for protection against people who thought
differently. People turned against each other, persecuting those who sought
reason and understanding through science and logic. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We became too obsessed with
material culture, with acquiring things. We cloistered our minds against any
new ideas, fearing them like a child fears an imaginary closet monster. People
became isolated, partisan politics dominated and strength determined by who had
the most guns and money.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In short, we were intellectually
bankrupt, and extinguishing the flame of knowledge usually leads to social
decay and disorder. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
These conditions probably fermented
your rise to power. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Despite our technology and over
7,000 years of human civilization, we comfortably descended into a new Dark
Ages, one where humanity contentedly pushed buttons while ignoring each other.
We stopped dreaming. We failed to look forward. We turned our backs on
everything history taught us, on the valuable lessons of our ancestors. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Maybe you capitalized on this
weakness to further divide us. Using Machiavellian tactics you crafted a world
where you became the savior, the guardian of tomorrow. You became the sky
wizard, promising prosperity while shackling everyone in chains. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Here’s the thing about humanity
maybe you’ve realized. Humans are hopeful. We naturally desire a better
situation, and no matter how bleak things get, we fight to maker things better.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Even though you terrorize a
population into submission, your reign won’t last a thousand years. Emperors,
kings and dictators throughout history always die, and their crazed, debauched reigns
always crash and burn, whether through revolution, war or social change. History
does not stand still, and neither do people. Time will eventually wash away
your misdeeds and you’ll be regarded as a ridiculous nightmare as Hitler is to
us. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
There have always been people like
you throughout history. Delusional, egotistical sociopaths who claim God is on
your side. You view your fellow man as chattel, and through slavery, war or
some other goofy excuse, you murdered, raped and sold millions to slake your
insane appetite. Empires are always lubricated by the blood of the weak. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yet even the most powerful leaders
are often felled by their own delusions. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You failed to calculate that no
matter how repressive your rule, there will always be those who resent you. In
trying to bend humanity, you break them. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You become the schoolyard bully. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Everybody hates bullies. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
One day, your frightened subjects,
who spent years quivering in terror at your very footfalls will cease being
afraid. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The tide will turn against you. The
flood of resentment will eventually topple you and like every megalomaniac in
history, you’ll ask yourself how this could’ve happened. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You’ll be exposed as a sham, a
charlatan and a thug. The reality you fashioned out of force and might will implode.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You failed to grasp a few universal
truths: Kindness works. Compassion is necessary. Compromise is essential. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Treat people with dignity, no
matter their ages or genders, or whether they’re straight, gay, in a
wheelchair, overweight or mentally ill. It’s okay if you don’t agree with them,
but all people have basic human rights, even if they believe in a sky wizard or
not, or even if their skin color is different from yours. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Freedom should be embraced and the
marketplace of ideas must flourish. Diversity is not just some politically
correct buzzword; it could spell the difference between a content populace and
one enslaved. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The United States in my time is a
democratic republic slowly transforming into a plutocratic oligarchy. The gulf
between rich and poor is growing wider. Corporations and the moneyed classes
are gobbling up everything, and sowing an atmosphere of paranoia. We’re
teetering on the edge of the abyss, peering at the bottomless pit of your reality.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
One need only review history to grasp at how power has been misused and abused over the centuries. Empires rose and fell and at one rare junction, men plotted to seize power for themselves, for the people. This began a brief experiment called the United States of America, which proved too fragile and succumbed to hubris and greed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Where does that leave you, oh munificent leader perched upon a throne of human skulls? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In charge of puppet world, a sycophant's paradise. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Obey or perish. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So enjoy what precious little time you have left. Eventually, time will bury you. Worm food rotting in a box. Forever dead. The grave your ultimate reward. Despite all of your rapacious ambitions, your reign will eventually fade, your name forgotten. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I write you this message from the past not to cajole or torment, but to enlighten and persuade. A man's deeds are how he's remembered, how he forges his legacy. What we do now could shape the world for years to come, even if it's trivial and small, such as a kind word or unselfish gesture. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Make your legacy matter. Choose love over hatred, courage over fear. See good in yourself and others. It might be too late for the rulers of my age, who are obsessed with superstition and blinded by ignorance. We'd rather drown public discourse by shouting instead of patently listening. As your days unfold torturing and impaling your subjects for not genuflecting when you walk past them or setting people of fire for not bidding you a good morning, heed my words.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Don't be a dick. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Your several cloned offspring will one day thank you for not unleashing the mutated hounds upon humanity and razing the Neutral Zone all because you were cranky after your nap. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-65296645120513011252014-03-27T04:43:00.001-07:002014-03-27T04:47:20.678-07:00Why I Quit Standup<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGVmVH2MeUWbhvnfFqAWg7geLWjz-b9yfmzVawNqInkoEeZ5VeFkZ-BjR-bYWsWPy8N6g7KaF3p54GJ0SeUFDKiaaRnWdGM7ShnycZnfFKVfzwo8EjCeRBZn1_Uvzz6sFsgsTZpcab1xs/s1600/standup.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGVmVH2MeUWbhvnfFqAWg7geLWjz-b9yfmzVawNqInkoEeZ5VeFkZ-BjR-bYWsWPy8N6g7KaF3p54GJ0SeUFDKiaaRnWdGM7ShnycZnfFKVfzwo8EjCeRBZn1_Uvzz6sFsgsTZpcab1xs/s1600/standup.jpeg" height="320" width="246" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>WARNING:</b> <i>The following essay
contains strong language/adult content and may cause heart palpitations,
nervous fidgeting, restlessness, unbridled outrage and/or uncomfortable
silence. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My comedic saga began in 2006 with
a newspaper advertisement encouraging amateurs to attend a six-week standup
comedy class. I’ve always wanted to try standup comedy, believing it my destiny
to make drunken strangers laugh. Ever since I recited Bill Cosby’s
<i>Wonderfulness </i>album to my fellow 7<sup>th</sup> graders in the school cafeteria,
comedy flowed in my blood. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Or so I thought. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The first time I tried standup was in
1991 at Glassboro State College on student talent night. I did it twice, and
both five-minute sets were complete trainwrecks. I didn’t actually get booed,
but the hostility was palpable. If you’ve never been heckled, you’ve never
truly performed standup. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Having put those early
uncomfortable experiences 20 years behind me, I was ready to try again,
because, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->A.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->I was a complete masochist, and <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->B.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->I was a gullible idiot who hadn’t the slightest
notion of what I was getting into. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Two standup comics taught the
class, which attracted some pretty frightening people. If you think the bus
stop at 2 a.m. is a freak show, take an amateur comedy class. Lunatic central. A
school teacher who did a bit about his whiny Colombian girlfriend, a pizza shop
worker with five kids who joked about Nintendo games, a construction worker
with an obnoxious obsession for celebrities, and an ex-professional wrestler
whose colorful euphemism for penis was “rancid piss dispenser.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We slogged through the course and
eventually performed in front of audiences. They videotaped our sets. I have
yet to watch mine, because I’m not into disaster porn. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
After the class, a few of us formed
a comedy troupe and struck out on our own, driving to shitty bars and clubs for
a few minutes on stage. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Comedians are damaged.
Irretrievably psychologically wounded outsiders who crave attention and praise.
A balancing act of ego and insecurity teetering on the brink of self-destruction.
I would be a natural fit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Plummeting down the rabbit hole
into the comedian’s warped universe, I had no inkling of what awaited me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Comedy, like anything worth
pursuing, is hard work.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In time, you learn to craft a
unique set, a series of jokes and bits wholly yours. The routine should say
something about your exclusive experiences and impressions of the world. But in
assembling this elusive set, you must tap into the powerful Zen-like notion of
humor. Learn what is funny and work it like a blacksmith forges iron,
fashioning it into a sophisticated bit, filigrees of hilarity, ornamentation of
chuckles.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The hardest thing about standup is
actually doing it. Hauling your ass on stage after butterflies fluttering in
your stomach, the flop sweats, the anxiousness and anticipation. When the emcee
calls your name and the audience throws you polite applause. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Then you’re in the spotlight,
blinded, trying to discern the shuffling shapes in the darkness. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You grab that microphone and must
make a choice. Will I bomb or will I kill? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You launch into your bit, stumble,
recover, and the seconds tick by like an eternity. Yet you weather it all. The
hecklers. The pauses. Forgetting details and backtracking. Staring nervously at
your set list. It looked easy on TV, but they’re professional standup comics.
George Carlin. Bill Hicks. Louie CK, Patton Oswalt. Ricky Gervais. All of them
faced terrible audiences, dodgy club owners, and anonymity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yet they persevered. For them, it
was the thrill of killing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Killing is good. I killed twice,
and the satisfaction, the approbation from the audience’s applause, carried me
through the weekend. Euphoria. A blissful high. There’s nothing in the world
like creating something and having strangers enjoy it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Our travels continued, and we
clamored for more stage time. When you start out, you play the most atrocious
dives. I performed standup at a bowling alley, a bar, a Moose lodge, a coffee
shop and a strip club. Nothing but class. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I had a really bad set at the
Comedy Cabaret in northeast Philadelphia. I have it all on tape. Schindler’s
List was funnier by comparison. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My worst set ever was performed at
a Salem County country club in February. The audience consisted of my
girlfriend, two comics, the event promoter and the promoter’s family. All I
remember from that night (besides the inherent urge to slash my wrists) was the
promoter doing ten minutes on receiving an enema from his wife. And I thought
Lenny Bruce was a revolutionary comedic talent. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
When you’re starting out, humor is
scatological, crude and childish. Through time you learn subtleness and
sensibility and aren’t so gratuitously vulgar. You can be funny without
wallowing in the muck. Unfortunately, the muck was where I felt most
comfortable because, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A. I was a masochist, and</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">B. I was an idiot.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Here’s an example of one of my
earliest jokes: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“You know how they say eating
Chinese food makes you hungry and hour later? Does eating out a Chinese woman
make you horny an hour later?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Somebody actually left the room
after I told that joke. Comedy club in Atlantic City, I told that joke and a
white-bearded man in a red shirt left the room. Afterwards a fellow comic told
me I had just walked Santa Claus. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So why did I leave the promising
and lucrative world of standup comedy? The old adage timing is everything
applied to my personal life. At the time, I was embroiled in a messy divorce
and wasn’t connecting with people while onstage. You could only do so many
ex-wife jokes before it becomes tiresome. Like listening to an ancient record
that keeps skipping, hissing and popping. After a while, its not music. It’s a
cacophony of shit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I grew jaded of the routine, of
scribbling observations and punch lines in a notebook, of traveling to
backwoods bars, of the futile circlejerk rotation of opening, closing,
emceeing. Southern New Jersey isn’t New York or Los Angeles. The audience for
the brand of comedy I wanted to pursue, a more sardonic and intellectual
variety, wasn’t here. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Writing is my one true passion.
Words are always on the periphery, lurking nearby. Comedy is something I do
because I feel silly or am comfortable enough. Yet writing is what I was put on
Earth to do, not make dick jokes to a rowdy crowd. I’d rather be the sage on
the page than the fool on stage. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So I fled the open mics, the
smoke-filled clubs, the late nights driving to and from gigs. Somewhere in that
ridiculous blur I had fun. Met some nice people and some assholes. Had my time
on stage and performed a flawless ten-minute set. Performing in public
frightens most people, and I did it. In a way I conquered a fear and learned a
bit about the world while making an ass of myself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
That’s what life is, when you get
down to it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We’re all up on a stage, exposed,
naked and vulnerable. Eyes upon us. Nowhere to run. You just have to plow
through it the best you can. Maybe you’ll get heckled, maybe applauded. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
But you never know until you try.
So get on the stage. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-40822837930850277942014-03-05T11:40:00.001-08:002014-03-05T11:40:21.589-08:00Not For Sale<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Last night a local developer (you
know the type: yuppie, dough-bellied, handshake like a cold fish) called me up
and queried whether I’d cover a meeting for him. He said he didn’t want me to
report anything from the meeting, just attend and take notes for him while he
was out of town. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
He mentioned his application was
coming before this one board and wanted to know what happened. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I replied since I’m a reporter, I’d
publish what went on at the meeting. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
He said he didn’t want me to report
on anything, just takes notes, then he asked me “how much something like that
would cost.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Essentially, he wanted a recording
secretary. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I gruffly (because I get that way
when someone insults my intelligence) explained I wouldn’t be attending the
meeting. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Do you know any reporter I could
ask who would do that for me?” he asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Someone without ethics or a
conscience,” I proffered. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Here’s the part where I launch into
a diatribe about how people in this one-horse town don’t fathom or “get” what I
do. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’m not a lone gun for you to hire
to waste my time attending meetings for you. If I do go to these dreadfully
boring things it’s because someone pays me to do it and write for publication.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Get that last part, Stephen Hawking?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Write. For. Publication. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I hate wasting time. I sit at these
meetings (and are they ever tedious and boring) taking notes and recording
them. I do this not because I’m inspired by local zoning ordinances, but
because the man at the end of the hall takes the words, edits them and puts
them in the newspaper. Then he cuts me a check and I use the money to pay bills
so I can escape the hellish existence of debtor’s prison. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Poverty notwithstanding, it’s quite
a racket, this. It affords me a chance to meet people, make connections and
inform the hybrid monkey creatures inhabiting this island.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Informing the public. What a novel
concept. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Telling people what the need to
know is vital to preserving our country. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A well-informed citizenry, yadda
yadda yadda. You’ve heard that spiel before. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Problem is, the quality of news
you’re consuming - like hoagies filled with Frito’s - will one day kill you. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The news cycle is already saturated
with over-indulgent, sensationalistic garbage. Celebrities, shootings and
boobies. That’s what sells. Throw in a road accident and someone’s grandma and
we have a contender for the Pulitzer Prize. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We’ve gone from a nation of
smaller, regional and daily newspapers to a kingdom of media conglomerates.
Dailies and weeklies are folding, leaving the Internet and television as the
prime sources of information. Of these two, I’m hitching my wagon to the
Internet. Words allow far more in-depth reporting and convey a truer sense of
information than sound bites and ten seconds of canned footage. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Once, a smarmy real estate agent
(you know the type: Lexus driver, trophy wife, card-carrying
member of the Aryan Nation) was having a party congratulating himself on being
in business for umpteen many years. His secretary called and wanted to know how
much it would cost to pay me to cover his party. This was a private house party
with his co-workers and family. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
What am I, a magician or clown? I
don’t do parties. That’s not my job. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Apparently, the elite believes you
pay reporters to provide the news, as long as it’s glowing and omits all
controversy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Hire a public relations firm, not a
journalist. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Journalists starve, while public
relations professionals are covered in gold doubloons and feted royally. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We receive scorn and derision,
they’re treated like living gods and given a pick of several nubile women and
nectar-filled drinking horns. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s no wonder why the elitists disregard reporters. Harsh truths don’t matter to the ones who benefit from
ignoring them. If you’re privileged enough to live in a ruby and emerald encrusted mansion, why do you care about people starving in the streets? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If the Almighty Dollar is your god, the plight of the pitiful rabble aren't keeping you awake at night.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So they call us liberal
boat-rockers and biased parasites. They dwell in a cocoon of ignorance and disregard all news if it vivisects their sacred cows. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
They think they can buy us with
cash, as if we were hookers at a Shriner’s convention. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Someone’s got to keep their backs
to the wind and inform Joe and Jill Lunchpail that something is
rotten in America. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Bribing reporters doesn’t make you
a slick businessman. You can’t use us as secretaries or public relations hacks.
Having scruples is not a weakness. Turning down a rich bully’s money doesn’t
mean you’re a naive idealist. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It means you’re nobody’s dupe. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It means you have principles. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It means you seek facts, no matter how uncomfortable they might be. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->
The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-23208875500951391582014-01-23T07:19:00.000-08:002014-01-23T07:19:09.987-08:00Just A Writer
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Some writers construct symphonies
with words, mastering semantics, cadence, and rhythm. Flowing poetry, seamless
and succinct. Displaying a copious vocabulary, a knack for wordplay and nailing
everything perfectly. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I have yet to do this. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
They construct mansions with their
words, elegant spaces with comfortable nooks, sprawling gardens and classical
elements. I construct a hovel, whose cardboard walls are flimsy and in danger
of collapsing. Yet I can erect the four walls, so that’s something.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
With every story I write, I’m
learning. With every story I read, I’m learning. The mantra they teach you
about writing is: Read. Write. Repeat. Read different genres, write something
out of your comfort zone and continue doing this until you’re dead. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Writing should not be a dilettante
hobby. It’s a lifelong commitment. It’s the monkey on your shoulder flinging
its poop at you whenever you get complacent, whenever you feel sorry for
yourself and want to sit on the couch, eat Cheetos and watch “2 Broke Girls”. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
That’s especially sad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The monkey smacks you on your head,
urging you to continue, forcing you back into Word City, driving you forward.
It pries your mouth open with its little monkey fingers and pours coffee down
your gullet. It chants eek eek ook ook and gets you to regroup and write.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You are not a human being with free
will. You are that monkey’s bitch. Mistress Monkey with the 9-inch stiletto
heels and bullwhip, smacking you around, forcing you to meet deadlines. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You’re a writer. You’re weird. Get
used to it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Twenty years ago I came down to
Cape May County to work in newspapers. I started out editing obituaries,
because 23-year olds find typing and proofreading death notices mentally
stimulating and fun. From there came a plethora of mundane assignments;
covering the freeholder board, local zoning boards, school boards and town
councils. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Journalism doesn’t have a monkey
muse on your shoulder. It has a gorilla on your shoulder, crushing your spine,
wearing you out and thrashing you about like a suitcase in a 1972 American
Tourister commercial. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s brutal, the hours and pay suck
and as far as respect, Congress has a higher approval rating. The print media
is a dinosaur going extinct. In 2013, the Wall Street Journal named newspaper
reporters as the worst job in America. That means the guy who cleans the elephant
shit in the zoo has more job satisfaction than newspaper reporters. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I dedicated my adult life to a
sinking ship. Cynicism, gloomy prognostications and hand-wringing fill
newsrooms. The once idealistic and gullible writer I was became squashed under
the gorilla’s fist. The hot breath from the monster’s nostrils down my neck. A
stressful, thankless parade of writing on deadline, getting a paper out and
doing it all again. Not allowing myself time to relax. Not laughing. Letting
the corrupt system running the world chip away at the writer I was. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
No wonder why so many reporters are
alcoholics. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s taken me years to ignore the
false doomsayers in the media and politics and refocus my energies on writing.
Only on the cusp of middle age do I grasp the importance of words, of this
bizarre gift and curse. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
When you’re north of 40, you’ve
lived half your life. You assess yourself, where you’ve been, where you’d like
to go. I didn’t want my remaining years consumed with further regret. I refuse
to be a washed-up hack, toiling in front of a computer screen. If I’m going to
further commit to this, I’m doing it my way. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Full throttle, balls deep, in the
zone. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
This career is not just another way
to pay bills. It’s not just about competing with other newspapers and websites
for readers. Since editorial doesn’t generate revenue, as one editor told me, I
am not as important as the advertising department. I disagree. The pen is
mightier than the sword. It’s mightier than an F-16 fighter jet carrying a
100-megaton nuclear warhead. Words can do more than entertain and amuse. They
can change the world. They can send the forces of corruption and evil running
for the hills. They can topple careers, expose abuse and neglect and burrow
right into your gut like pinworms with super powers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Words inflame your passions and
raise the dead. Lazarus frantically typing away, cursing the darkness and
shining the Fresnel lens of truth. Your Mighty Word Beacon illuminates the
night, scattering ugliness across the land, like the deformed demonic critters
from a Hieronymus Bosch triptych. With your skill and perseverance, you squash
every one of those corrupt buggers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Every. Single. One.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Maybe there’s a tiny bit of the
idealistic young man inside me, even though I’m old and petulant most days.
Perhaps keeping a sense of humor, a need for satire and a reputation for
honesty and truth helps. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Especially in a small town like
this, where truth is often swept under the rug for expediency’s sake, and
superficiality replaces substance. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
But I wouldn’t know anything about
that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’m just a writer. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-79307203319589906872014-01-22T09:58:00.001-08:002014-01-22T10:00:11.400-08:00Come At Me, Bro<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Life is the ultimate bully, picking
on 98-pound weakling you, kicking sand in your face and stealing your girl. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
When things are at their darkest,
life bursts from its seedy grime-covered hole and starts poking your chest.
“Come at me, bro!” it taunts. “Come at me!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
At age 11, I lost both my
grandparents, one to a heart attack, the other to liver cancer. Life left a
traumatic impression, like waking to a rat skittering across your chest. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Come at me, bro!” life mocked. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I wasn’t like the other students
and was left behind a grade. It wasn’t that I lacked motivation or
intelligence; I just wanted the pain to stop. Wanted people to listen to me.
Didn’t want them to tease me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Come at me, bro! Come at me!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Every girl who rejected me in school,
who made fun of my last name, who laughed because I was withdrawn. The fights
after school on the playground. Humiliating. Blood on concrete. Muffled sobs
into a pillow because I didn’t want my parents to hear.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Come at me, bro!"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Jobs with asshole bosses. Suffering
the ridicule and the positions I didn’t want but slogged through because I
needed the income. Trying to squeeze out of the shell suffocating me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Life became a drunken lout and
boorish jackass.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Come at me, bro! Come at me!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
When I struggled through an unhappy
marriage and stressful divorce, the disillusionment poured over me like
waterboarding. Whispers and promises, paying bills and drowning in a torpid
routine. You’re flawed and she makes you feel small, makes you regret. Makes
you attempt suicide. Noose slung over beam in garage. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Come at me, bro!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
What you thought was love was only
lust. Drunken tryst with someone you regarded as your soul mate. Turns out you
were too immature for anything deep. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hurtful words said in the heat of the moment. Hurtful words
you could not take back. Life calling you a loser, a failure, a nobody. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Life slaps you, punches you, gives
you a bloody nose.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Come at me, bro!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A series of missteps, accusations
you’re incompetent. Self doubt. She texts you, calling<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you a liar and saying you’re afraid of
life. Your writing career is a joke. What the hell do you have to say? Back
pain. A herniated disc. Hypochondriac. Munchausen syndrome because you want
others to feel sympathy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You just want someone to feel
anything for you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Life jabs you repeatedly, uppercut,
overhand, hook, liver punch. Staggering and stumbling, seeing stars. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Come at me, bro! Come at me.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Then you do the most unexpected and
surprising thing, when life has you on the ropes and you’re drooling blood and
black puffy eyes obscure your vision. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You punch back. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You’re Muhammad Ali, Rocky Balboa
and Popeye the Sailor beating the shit out of life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
That’s all you can stand, you can’t
stands no more. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
When life retaliates, you don’t
throw in the towel. You defend yourself and swing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
No matter how much life bullies
you, knocks you down or trips you, you don’t give it the satisfaction of
quitting. Punch back, spit blood, grunt like a wolverine on steroids and say
“Is that all you got? I’m still standing. I won’t be undone. I’m tired of your
bullshit, tired of feeling sad and insignificant. I will kick your ass.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
That moment life realizes you’re
not weak and easily intimidated. It wobbles like a battered crane, hobbling on
one foot. Mouth agape, stunned into silence.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You lean over, scrunch up your face
and say to life, “Come at me, bro.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-84645578335506628402014-01-09T14:36:00.000-08:002014-01-23T07:24:12.480-08:00Somewhere the Devil is Laughing <!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The more I take my yearly travels around
the sun, the more I learn uncomfortable truths. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Namely, everything no matter how
grandiose or miniscule, has a beginning, middle and an end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life exists, thrives and dies. Seasons change.
Nations rise and fall. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The second truth is, politicians
lie to preserve their careers and legacies. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
They lie, distort, mislead and
misdirect. Both political parties do this. They manipulate the press and voters,
even bullshitting their own supporters and backers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
All for their greater good. A grand
journey of manipulating the public and securing backers with fat paychecks. I
think of them as Chucky, the evil puppet, for isn’t that what politicians are
when you deconstruct them? Evil puppets? Bought and paid for by corporate or
lobby interests to shill a specific agenda? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
When their loyal toadies
transgress, these unsavory ones must be culled from the herd and slaughtered
for self-preservation’s sake. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Which brings us to the George
Washington Bridge fiasco, or Bridgegate, or Bridgeghazi, or whatever ridiculous
moniker the media uses. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Here’s what happened: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Last September, before New Jersey’s
gubernatorial election, the George Washington Bridge, a vital link between Fort
Lee and Manhattan, experienced lane closures. These closures delayed traffic,
caused terrible congestion problems and inconvenienced everybody. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Fort Lee’s Democratic mayor Mark
Sokolich asserts the lane closures were in retribution for him not supporting
Christie’s reelection. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Emails released Jan. 8 between
Christie’s deputy chief of staff Bridget Anne Kelly and Christie-appointed Port
Authority official David Wildstein indicate efforts to close the lanes for
political retribution. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Time for some traffic problems in
Fort Lee, “ Kelly wrote to Wildstein on Aug. 13.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Got it.” Wildstein responded. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A text conversation between
Wildstein and an unknown sender (whose name was redacted), reveled in the
closures and the problems they presented. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Is it wrong that I’m smiling?” the
unknown texter wrote.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“No.” Wildstein responded.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“I feel badly about the kids. I
guess,” the person wrote back.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“They are the children of Buono
voters,” Wildstein wrote. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In another exchange, Kelly asked
Wildstein if the Port Authoirty was going to respond to several of Sololich’s
complaints. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Radio silence,” Wildstein wrote to
Kelly. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
These exchanges sound like the
worst revenge porn, grudge-fucking while wearing clown masks, or the filthiest
golden shower/Cleveland steamer Penthouse Forum letters ever written. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
They portray a decadent government
whose dysfunctions rival that of ancient Rome, accept the Romans actually
patronized the arts. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Those involved are blindly loyal to
Christie, complete partisan hacks who’d sell their mothers into slavery in
order to pad their political resumes and curry favor with the governor. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s as if they were all lounging on crushed velvet-covered divans, typing
these emails on their iPads, clad
only in silk bathrobes, popping Belgian chocolates and getting handjobs from
their Guatemalan nannies.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
How these debauched reprobates
could brazenly carry out such a flagrant abuse of power all to settle a petty
political score boggles the mind.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Wildstein resigned Dec. 13 as the
controversy grew. By then the proverbial shit was ready to hit the proverbial fan. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Gov. Christie held a press conference
on Jan. 9 and begged the state to forgive him. He fired Kelly and demanded an
inquiry be conducted. Now his administration is under federal investigation,
and the rats are scurrying all over this sinking ship. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It didn’t help Christie that his
administration told the public the land closures were for a “traffic safety
study”. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The issue isn’t just about an
uncivil and petty political system, but how truly warped our society has
become. We don’t view each other as equals, as human beings. We tend to compartmentalize
and divide people into easily-defined labels and categories. We’re either
conservatives or liberals, religious or secular, straight or gay. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Familiar or alien. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Us or them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s tragic these political zombies,
mindless drones whose fealty to Christie blinded them to right and wrong,
decided to act without conscience and enact a revenge fantasy against a
politician who didn’t support their boss. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The ugly incident reminds me of how
political campaigns were fought 90 years ago, when the thugs and local
gangsters intimidated factory workers and everyday citizens, bullying them into
voting for their candidates. The recent season of Boardwalk Empire illustrates
this perfectly, with hoodlums flanking workers emerging from a factory,
cajoling them with threats and displaying baseball bats and other weaponry if
the proles didn’t vote their way. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
New Jersey’s political climate
mimics this dreadful scene, with Christie’s lackeys waging a stealth war
against those who don’t play ball. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
This “you’re either with us or
you’re against us” mentality is ultimately destructive and breeds resentment and fosters ill will among the populace.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Such bullying tactics may have
worked in 1920s Illinois, but not in 2013 New Jersey. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The governor sets the tone for the
state. He brags his administration is bipartisan and works with Democrats, as
demonstrated by his cuddlefest with President Obama following Hurricane Sandy
in 2012. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yet the incident at the George
Washington Bridge exposed the administration’s rotten core, one festering with
the stink of cronyism, payback and partisanship. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
While this scandal doesn’t bode
well for Christie, who is a potential 2016 presidential candidate, it doesn’t
play well for the Republican Party. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Even during the dark days of former Democratic Gov. Jon Corzine, who incidentally did to New Jersey what the Hillside
Strangler did to runaway prostitutes, things weren’t this bad. Sure, everyone
lived in dung-covered hovels and eked out a peasant’s living while the Trenton
glitterati held orgies in Drumthwacket, but at least things were civil. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
No political operatives shutting
down lanes on a bridge to punish recalcitrant Republicans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Not that they haven’t tried.
Democrats in this state might be incompetent, but they’re not psychotic. Ever
since Christie got in, his circle of friends and backers increased. The stakes
became higher. The spin became faster and agenda broader. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
This underlies the real difference
between Democrats and Republicans here. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Democrats are well-meaning, but
deeply flawed, goofy intellectuals, Don Quixote charging at
windmills. All idealism, but zero organizational skills.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Republicans here are well-meaning
in doses, but the higher you climb up the food chain, the more devious and
brutal they become. It’s as if Darth Vader and Satan had a baby and the result
is a New Jersey Republican political operative.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
This unholy spawn, this goat-headed
bastard baby only wants one thing: to feed on the tears of Democrats. Writhing
in its suit, driving its towncar, Damien only wishes to sup upon misery it
created, while bolstering support for his dad. Utterances against his dad will
be dealt with harshly. So the operative colludes with his buddies to make life
miserable for the opposition. To thwart anyone perceived as an obstacle or
enemy of the state. During these stealthy, pitched battles, they vie to
increase dad’s prestige and power, trampling any dissenters under their cloven
hooves. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Lying is wrong. For public
officials to lie is a breach of trust.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yet in the malformed mind of a
political operative, lying is part of the game. It’s how they deflect truth and
pass the buck. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If Christie truly cared about his
legacy, he’d cast these beasts into the furthest depths of perdition, banish
them from public office for life and let them rot in prison. Their names shall
be nothing but blasphemous heresies mumbled in garbled tones by disheveled madmen
wandering the state capital. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The governor did the right thing by
firing Kelly. We need more of a purging, a grand cleansing to wash away the
stink. Then he should reexamine those close to him and choose those who want to
serve all of New Jersey, not just the Republican inner circle. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Partisan politics has grown
outrageous and toxic. It’s time to reassess our priorities and clean house. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->
The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-41260219244022478702013-12-31T08:06:00.002-08:002013-12-31T15:13:00.242-08:00Goodbye, 2013 <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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For me, 2013
felt like a year in exile. Having lost my apartment to Hurricane Sandy in 2012, I’d
been living at the family beach compound, paying rent, eking out a meager
existence. Over 80 percent of my belongings that survived the storm have been
in storage for the last 13 months. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So 2013 was limbo.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Purgatory.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A transient state of existence. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I feel like I should be moving on,
pulling up stakes and exploring whatever’s over the horizon. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The shore is sand and surf and
incestuous politics. Small towns with boardwalks and garish condominiums. It
wears on you after a while. The lack of intellectual stimulation. A drought of
new ideas and people. A foreboding sense that everything is run by the same
tribe and anything from the outside is anathema. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’ve felt this crushing sense of
mediocrity for a long time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
2013 crystalized it for me, living
on the edge, not having my own place. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Staying here just for the job, a
career I’ve had for 20 years. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So what kind of end-of-the-year summary
is this?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Some good things and bad things
happened in 2013. No major catastrophes, thank God. Yet no stunning victories,
either. Just baby steps along the “Time Marches On” montage occurring in my
head every Dec. 31. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Being blunt, I’m very lucky. Blessed,
even. Fortunate to have my family and a wonderful girlfriend and soulmate in my
life. They keep me sane and grounded and loved and for this I’m eternally
grateful.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So let’s crank this shit out so I
can ring in the new year drunk off my ass:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>Still In Love.</b> Yep. Elnie is still
with me, and tells me she loves me every day. This girl is like luggage – I’ll
have her for life. We celebrated our one-year living together milestone in
June, and three years dating in July. Not too shabby.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>Diabetic Cat.</b> Smuttynose, my furry
feline companion since 2000 started looking peaked, emaciated and sickly during
the summer. His fur, a tattered mess, his third eyelid closing. After a trip to
the vet, we found out he has diabetes. We now have to inject him with insulin
twice a day. Now he’s put on weight and his eyelid receded, so he’s on the
mend. Plus, he doesn’t urinate like a race horse. Had we not done anything,
Smuttynose would’ve died. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>New Car, New Computer, New Job
Promotion. </b>Adding to the changes, I sold my old car and bought a new Honda
Civic, and in the spring purchased a shiny new MacBook Pro. I also was promoted from
a lowly reporter to a managing editor. This comes with a modest – and I stress
modest – pay increase, but I’m not complaining. It means more responsibility
and learning additional skills, which I’m greatly anticipating. I’ll still file
stories, but I’ll also prepare pages, write headlines and edit stories. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>No Gencon. </b>We couldn’t make it to
Gencon this year. The August gaming convention is something I look forward to,
but in 2013, it wasn’t in the cards. Maybe next year…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>Ravaged Earth Second Revised
Edition. </b>This one’s a biggie. The second revised edition of my roleplaying
game, Ravaged Earth, was released in May. Limited PDF release, with a softcover
released at Gencon in August, making it doubly sad I didn’t attend the
convention to promote the book. Still, having Ravaged Earth released in the
form I’ve always wanted was a fulfillment of a dream. It’s 322 pages of pulpy
goodness surrounded by Martians, weird science and fisticuffs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>Sickness Stalks Me Like A Plague.
</b>Okay, a bit dramatic here, but I did have a strep throat and a cold this year.
Throw in a few upset stomachs, high blood pressure and bad cholesterol and I’m
a ticking time bomb. Hope I get better in 2014. Maybe cybernetic enhancements
will prolong my life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>Juicing.</b> During the summer I
watched “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead”, a documentary about Australian businessman
Joe Cross, who used a Breville juicer to help him lose weight. Obese and out of
shape, Cross drank nothing but fresh juice for over a month and shed pounds.
Bolstered by this touching infomercial, I bought a Breville juicer and started
my juicing adventure in August. Here are the results: Joe Cross saved my life.
I went from 214 pounds of sweaty American lardass to 194 pounds, and kept the
weight off for five months and counting. Every morning I blend a unique
concoction of kale, cucumber, celery, apples and carrots, or whatever else I
have on hand. And it works. My ultimate goal is to continue juicing and
exercising until I’m down to 184 pounds, my ideal weight. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>The Novel. </b>I’ve been trying to
publish my satirical novel “Ecophreaks” for a few years now. Between manic
bursts of energy, I’d pimp the thing out, usually receiving no responses or a
polite “we’re not interested”. I never made it past the query stage.
Apparently, humorous novels about the environmental movement, corporate greed
and talking monkeys don’t sell. In March, a small book publisher in California
expressed interest in the novel, which I sent to them. I finally passed the
query phase and sent a chapter of the book. They wanted to read the entire
thing! This was the furthest along I’ve ever come. Ultimately, they rejected
the novel, saying they’d have to pass on it. I didn’t do much with the novel
after that, but 2014 is a new year. I might try again. Self-publishing is out.
Heard too many negative things about that. I’d rather have a funny novel
gathering dust than a funny self-published novel nobody buys. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>Writing Like A Demon.</b> I haven’t
exactly been shoving Cheetos in my maw and watching re-runs of “30 Rock” on
Netflix. I’ve been writing. Like a fucking demon. Sometime in the fall, I got
my writing mojo back and began frantically scribbling new tales. I finished a few
short stories set in an alternative steampunk Paris, complete with magic and
supernatural creatures. It’s a dark historical fantasy setting, and it’s
beautiful. The mythology weaves itself over several stories, and Im about to
complete a prequel which sets everything in motion. The ideas for this world
germinated in my head for a long time, and it’s about time they come alive. The
more I write, the more details reveal themselves. Hope to tell more stories wet
in this universe in 2014. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br />
<b>Won Another Award.</b> In 2013 I won a third place award for best feature in the New jersey Press Association's Better Newspaper Contest. The story was a feature about World War II veterans and the war's impact on the small coastal community I cover.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p> <b>Family and Friends.</b> Spent time with relatives I haven't seen in years. Went to the family's church and had fun introducing my girlfriend to everyone, eating Armenian food and enjoying good company. Hung out with family at a Christmas party and played light saber duels with my cousin. Gaming with friends, played some pretty outstanding tabletop games: Boss Monster, Dominion, Cards Against Humanity, Smash Up!, Dixit, Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne and Fortune and Glory. Good times!</o:p><br />
<o:p><br /></o:p><o:p> As far as resolutions for 2014 are concerned, I have one: to not live with regret. During a recent lunch with a friend, he told me how talented I was and that I was "wasting my time" writing for a weekly newspaper. He said I should venture out into the world of larger things, at least a metropolitan newsroom, where my talents could be appreciated. </o:p><br />
<o:p><br /></o:p><o:p> When I told a family member about how my job wasn't that challenging, she replied "At least you like to write." Implication being, I should enjoy my job because I like to write.</o:p><br />
<o:p><br /></o:p><o:p> Thing is, journalism isn't what I like to write. I create characters, weave stories, forge worlds from words. It's much more rewarding struggling through a short story, fashioning all the plot hooks and building characters than it is sitting through a boring council meeting. </o:p><br />
<o:p><br /></o:p><o:p> Yet journalism is how I make money. It's how I keep the bill collector at bay and the wolves from my door. It's not what will get me noticed, land me an agent or published in the real world. </o:p><br />
<o:p><br /></o:p><o:p> Hard work crafting those stories will, not stringing together 500 words about the latest zoning ordinance. </o:p><br />
<o:p><br /></o:p><o:p> I want to be braver when it comes to myself. I want to say yes to new experiences, not dodge them out of convenience. I'd like to network and develop a cadre of like-minded people who share the same goofy, geeky interests I do. </o:p><br />
<o:p><br /></o:p><o:p> I'd like to finally be published, to entertain readers with my stories. For 2014, I'd like continue doing the insane thing I was put on Earth to do. Continue writing. </o:p><br />
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Here's hoping 2014 brings opportunity, health, and success. Also, good books to read. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-58356570508505222992013-11-12T08:14:00.000-08:002013-11-14T08:27:27.028-08:00Ravaging Philcon
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This past Saturday, I demoed
Ravaged Earth at Philcon, a science fiction convention based in Philadelphia
but now held in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I first ran Ravaged Earth at
Philcon back in 2006, when the game was mired in development hell with a
fledgling publisher who couldn’t get it off the ground. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Since then, two editions of the
game were released. I spent four panels at this Philcon promoting the hell out
of the second revised edition. Grasping my copy of the game like a mouthy infomercial pitchman, I attended every
panel and plugged the book, the publisher (Reality Blurs), and explained to
strangers in a conference room at the Crowne Plaza Hotel everything I could
think of about the luxurious and ever profitable world of game design. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWN2hqH2UH08j05SOwIcymm3h8j7SJgKK_KKDq6eaaeaA9sQ_s6wX1NaLmV3a5Jdcz5YO29BtimRUjza6QkRGa2EDUON1EzfuCE0-NgrFu-Da94-QYKbzjb8CbTsAI03vSllZ1s7stI4o/s1600/securedownload-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWN2hqH2UH08j05SOwIcymm3h8j7SJgKK_KKDq6eaaeaA9sQ_s6wX1NaLmV3a5Jdcz5YO29BtimRUjza6QkRGa2EDUON1EzfuCE0-NgrFu-Da94-QYKbzjb8CbTsAI03vSllZ1s7stI4o/s320/securedownload-1.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>The infamous sign-up sheet, taped to the game suite door. Names have been painstakingly redacted to protect everyone's identity.</i></blockquote>
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For my demo, which I was<o:p></o:p></div>
scheduled
to run from 8 p.m. until midnight, I wouldn’t be caught off guard. Like any
good Boy Scout, I understood preparation is key. Before the convention, I
busied myself gathering the essential tools every Game Master should possess. I
fashioned a GM screen from two binders and fastener clips, bought a BattleMat,
printed and cut out Disposable Heroes line of paper miniatures. <br />
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If I ran an RPG, I’d go in with
both barrels fully loaded and triggers cocked. I’d blow the kneecaps off the
players with my awesome pre-made character sheets, and dazzle them with my brain-shattering GM skills. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In short, I’d be an indestructible Teflon-coated game mastering juggernaut, a polyhedral dice-throwing stud. <o:p></o:p></div>
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However grandiose my ambitions, reality widely diverged from my Walter Mittyesque fantasies. At that point, I was running on
fumes, as I’d attended a staggering four panels that day, starting with an
early one at 9 a.m. Four panels, each separated by one hour increments, doesn't give you time to rest. If I wanted to unleash the fury, I'd have to recharge my spent geek batteries.<o:p></o:p></div>
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By the time 8 p.m. rolled around, I
had taken a brief afternoon nap and was refreshed, invigorated and rarin’ to
go. Earlier that day, I noticed the sign-up sheet for Ravaged Earth was filled.
Players were coming. All I had to do was deliver.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As 8 p.m. rolled around, I set up
in the gaming suite at a large table. It would serve as the arena for my
carefully woven pulpy tale. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
There’d be action, thrills and
heart-pounding adventure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Oh, yes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
There’d be adventure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
However, as 8 p.m. turned into 8:10
p.m., no gamers showed up. Would I have to cancel the demo and slink back home,
head hung low in defeat? What happened to all of the players who signed up? Did
they get cold feet? Grow bored? Latched on to a decadent private party
elsewhere in the hotel and were doing bodyshots off an 18-year old elf princess
in a chainmail bikini? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
What happened? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If I was going to run the game just
for my girlfriend, so be it. She showed infinite patience with me and supported
my writing endeavors. Girlfriend played Ravaged Earth in the con games I’d run
before and excitedly recounted her exploits from the gaming sessions. This
time, she even came dressed as her character, Fun Yi, a.k.a. The Black Lotus,
fabled avenger from Shanghai. She ordered a red silk cheongsam adorned with
peacocks. The dress was a little too tight, but she squeezed into it for the
convention. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Fun Yi would not be denied her
night of glory!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Fortunately, Fun Yi wouldn’t be
alone. Other players arrived and joined the game, much to my relief. Heroes
included the aforementioned Fun Yi; Dr. Blake Cutler the gadgeteer; Captain
Lightning, a superhero; and Mr. Automatix, a robot butler. A fifth player who
portrayed the Amazing Renaldo, a magician, briefly joined and cut out early. More on this dude later. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXgXrhYOa2AFzwF1E1kmH7l20ybyibaLLjFwiaaLWWg2IA8SAlAZ6FMdRVvSPGW0lauDS3ediLX6zGzzPduZ9Rf9jnzaa5SRdbp3NbOYJ1ha8Wq-DsQEPivKUxJsKVJFmB4dC5yML2bz0/s1600/securedownload.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXgXrhYOa2AFzwF1E1kmH7l20ybyibaLLjFwiaaLWWg2IA8SAlAZ6FMdRVvSPGW0lauDS3ediLX6zGzzPduZ9Rf9jnzaa5SRdbp3NbOYJ1ha8Wq-DsQEPivKUxJsKVJFmB4dC5yML2bz0/s320/securedownload.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The heroes began in New York City
in the summer of 1936. A mysterious red light erupted in the night sky several
weeks before, suspended in the atmosphere over the city. As the days pass, New
Yorkers have grown accustomed to the object, which the newspapers dub “the Red
Star”. One night as the heroes are out, they witness a bright flash of light
burst from the Red Star and plummet earthward, crash landing somewhere in the
city. The heroes decide to investigate and inquire about the object. A
newspaper vendor tells them the object fell somewhere in the Manhattan’s Upper
West Side. Following up leads, they arrive at Paterno Castle just in time to
hear a woman screaming. The heroes knock on the door and a weary-eyed butler
greets them. Mr. Automatix finagles his way past the butler and the others
follow. The heroes search the house while the robot keeps the butler busy. They
stumble upon the maid’s body in an upstairs closet, then see a Martian probe
digging in the garden. They confront the Martian probe and destroy it. Captain
Lightning summons his contacts at the New York City Police Department, who
arrive on the scene. The heroes learn the Martian probe was digging in the
garden, possibly searching for something. Grabbing shovels from the garden
shed, the heroes start digging and find a small piece of Aetherium buried deep
in the soil. Dr. Cutler takes the metal back to his laboratory for further
study.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A peculiar advertisement runs in
the newspaper the following day, seeking anyone who witnessed the strange
object fall from the sky the previous night. Inquiring about the ad, the heroes
travel to Colombia University and find Dr. Dunphy, an eccentric professor interviewing the witnesses. The heroes recount their tale to Dunphy, who tells them
about a dreadful cult of Martian worshippers called the Children of Phobos.
Dunphy suspects the cult is behind a recent spate of murders occurring after
the Red Star first appeared. He tasks the heroes with finding his contact,
Officer Simmons of the NYPD. Simmons had been investigating strange Martian
glyphs found in the New York City sewer tunnels underneath Manhattan when he
vanished. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Armed with their wits (and a few
flashlights) the heroes descend into the dank sewers. After dealing with a swarm of
sewer rats Captain Lightning quickly dispatches by slinging lightning at them,
the heroes encounter Officer Simmons’ battered cadaver. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Without giving too much away, the
heroes meet a femme fatale, discover the cultist’s lair, and manage arresting
the ringleader in one huge boss battle involving robed cultists and mutated
superheroes. When the battle ended, the players wanted to quit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yet more of the tale remained,
additional adventurous tidbits I’d yet to entice them with. I started
explaining the police found additional information in the cultist’s lair
pointing to Dr. Richard Pierson of Princeton University. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
At the mention of that, one player
perked up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“That’s the guy from War of the
Worlds,” he said. “Let’s keep playing and see where this is going.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
With that hook, I launched into the
second act, where the intrepid heroes met Pierson in his observatory doing what
academic astronomers do best: peering through a telescope at the heavens.
Pierson notices jets of blue flame bursting from Mars’ surface. He attributes
them to natural weather phenomenon on the Red Planet, until the radio program
of orchestral music is halted abruptly and an emergency news report reveals an
object crash-landed in the small farming community of Grover’s Mill nearby. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Sound familiar? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Orson Welles’
rendition of War of the Worlds is a playable scenario in Ravaged Earth! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Pierson takes the heroes in his car
to Grover’s Mill, with Captain Lightning flying above. On the road, the
Children of Phobos attack Pierson’s car and a chase ensues. Fun Yi, Mr.
Automatix and Dr. Cutler manage to shoot the tires on the cultist’s vehicle.
Captain Lightning swoops down, lands on the cultist’s car and crashes through
the window, terrifying the hapless mooks. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In Grover’s Mill, Martian tripods
assault the small farming community. The trundling fighting machines surround
the old mill as the State Police arrive. I used the BattleMat and minis for the
climactic battle. Captain Lightning entered the mill, found the millstone and
pried it loose. Grasping the millstone, he flew through the roof and soared
over one of the fighting machines. Making a flawless Agility roll, he dropped
the millstone on one of the tripods, crushing it. Dr. Cutler used his
telekinesis helmet to jostle loose the bolts on one fighting machine’s spindly
leg. The tripod whirled before tumbling onto a house. Meanwhile, the remaining
fighting machines incinerated half the cordon of State Troopers. Mr. Automatix
fired his zapgun and scored tremendously insane damage, which fried one of the
fighting machines, sending it toppling into Grover’s Mill Pond. Fun Yi used her
martial arts skill to shimmy up one of the tripods and vault onto its hood. The
Martians fired their heat ray and Fun Yi suffered two wounds and fell shaken.
Captain Lightning flew to her rescue, seizing the avenger from the tripod, just
as a combined flurry of Mr. Automatix’ zapgun and Dr. Cutler’s telekinesis
helmet crippled the fighting machine. A bombardment by the heroes and State Troopers
felled the final mechanical horror onto a parked car. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The Battle of Grover’s
Mill ended with scorched earth, widespread ruination and crushed Martian
tripods. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The players were overjoyed, and I
felt reinvigorated. Pulling off a good game is one thing. Keeping people hooked
and interested requires a unique talent. From their reaction, they enjoyed
Ravaged Earth and their new pulpy personas. They investigated murders, scuffled
with cultists and took on Martian invaders, all in the span of four hours, my
allotted game time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Onlookers who wandered into the
gaming suite gathered around the table throughout the night to observe. They
were likewise enthralled with the game and asked about it afterwards. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The player who assumed the guise of the magician returned following the game. He apologized for cutting out early and said that was his first tabletop role-playing experience. He peppered me with questions about the game and I told him where to find it. Pretty cool of him to let me know that. Kudos, mystery man, wherever you are. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
After a day of shilling the game
and finally running a demo, I was ready for a little rest. My girlfriend and I
played a game of Cards Against Humanity for an hour with about ten people, and
had a profanity-laced good time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’ve run Ravaged Earth before at
Gen Con and Philcon, and in a local game store. I’ve explained it to gamers,
game designers, fellow writers and the uninitiated multitudes I work with. This
was one of the best gaming sessions I’ve ever had. Chalk it up to the intimacy,
the relaxed atmosphere or the late hours. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Despite being in a near state of zombielike catatonia, I forged ahead and ran the game. For that determination, I should at least get a medal/steak dinner/back rub. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Thanks to the players who showed up
and played Ravaged Earth at Philcon this year. You were a very enthusiastic and
fun group. An additional thanks goes out to the Philcon staff who worked with
me in the gaming suite. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’d like to do it again, say next
year? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
What other exciting tales of
adventure and intrigue await? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Tune in to find out!<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-91902635718305214882013-10-28T19:54:00.001-07:002013-10-28T20:00:52.153-07:00Sandy, One Year Later<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
One year ago, Hurricane Sandy blew
into my life, flooded my apartment and uprooted my comfort and security. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Time heals all wounds, yet the pain
of Sandy still lingers. Over a foot of water sloshed around my apartment,
soaking my books and furniture, drenching and invading my personal space. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Private living space should be a
sanctuary, a respite from the outside. Sandy barged right in, flooding the
neighboring streets and seeping under the door cracks, rolling over the
carpeting and creeping into low-lying cupboards and drawers. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Waterlogged mattresses, sofa
cushions and bookcases. Sandy spared nothing, leaving me with a grim task of
sorting through my possessions. A hurricane rendered me homeless, made me a
victim.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I hate Hurricane Sandy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Hate the fact I had to call a
shoddy moving company to move my few remaining boxed personal effects one cold
November night. Fat men with clumsy hands and dinosaur feet clomping through
the dark rooms because the electricity was cut off. Flashlights stabbing the
blackness, breaths foggy as the chill crept in. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br />
Hate the idiotic moniker "Superstorm", as if it was forged from Olympus and charged with superhuman atomic thunderbolts.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Hate living without 80 percent of my
possessions for a year. Boxes piled in a monstrous heap inside a metal storage
facility. Paying over $100 to shelter my belongings while I stay in temporary
lodgings where I’ve clearly overstayed my welcome. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Feeling helpless and immobile. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Seeing the town slowly rebuild,
watching homes jacked up higher. Constructing taller than base flood elevation
because the Federal Emergency Management Agency decrees it. It’s all about
flood insurance, about reimbursements, grants and cash making people whole
again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Soup eaten in restaurants, eking
out meager sustenance while the downtown digs out, scraping mud from floors,
steam-cleaning carpets saturated with briny stench, noticing a sheen of scum
where the high water mark receded. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
How do you survive something like
this?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The loss. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The new reality, where you’re a
victim. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Landlord can’t rebuild the
apartment. Walls removed, down to bare studs. Fans dry everything, preventing
mold and mildew from creeping back. No renter’s insurance means nothing you
have is covered. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Everything’s gone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A FEMA worker from Tennessee
apologizes as he records your information. Uncle Sam cuts you a check for your
troubles, for another month’s rent in another apartment which you don’t see
because you’re too proud to look. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Too proud to admit anything is
wrong.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Fixated on fleeing far from this
island, this resort town which brims in the summer, choking with tourists
frolicking on the Boardwalk. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yet the Boardwalk is deserted.
Badly eroded beach, bereft of sand, which spilled onto the neighboring roads. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Front end loaders, dump trucks,
debris. Downed power lines, furniture piled in gargantuan mountains on
curbsides. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Gov. Chris Christie in his blue
fleece, hugs teary residents, tours the coast. The state uses federal funds to
tout how resilient the Jersey shore is, a phoenix rising defiantly from the
ashes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Stronger Than The Storm.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We weren’t stronger than the storm.
If we were, the storm wouldn’t have gutted our homes, turned us into bitter
wanderers, crippled our sense of security and purpose. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A year after Sandy, we’re still
putting our lives back together. We’re still frantically searching for new
homes and grieving for our old ones. FEMA’s red tape strangles us all, and
those who can’t rebuild, sold their homes and moved on. Developers gobbled up
crumbling houses, razed them and rebuilt condos and duplexes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Sandy was kind to the development
community and construction trade. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Champagne corks popping round the clock for them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
How’s my life been this past year? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I still feel like I’m anxiously
waiting for something to arrive. Mingled depression and frustration at my
inaction. Sandy left me in limbo, in a place where things run molasses slow.
I’ve largely had to do without what I escaped with. When you suddenly lose most
of your stuff, the books and music and objects which give your life comfort and
meaning, you realize how banal and trite materialism is. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
On a personal level, I’m making do
with less, streamlining existence. Spartan living with a few books, movies and
creature comforts. In this stark absence there’s simplicity and less clutter.
Nothing is burdensome, tempest-tossed bookshelves, brimming with volumes and
CDs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Life is very Zen right now. Less is
more. Minimalist in the extreme. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I still have my girlfriend, and her
love and support have weathered Sandy and every troubling storm since. We’re
living together, far from our former lodgings. It might not be closer, with the
same conveniences, but it’s become our sanctuary. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
She wonders when we’re going to
move. She wants new furniture, a new place. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’m not ready to look just yet. I’m
trying to save money to upgrade my apartment. I worry about the neighborhood,
about crime, about our future. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Everything drowned in Sandy’s icy
waters last October. Part of me sunk, pulled down never to emerge. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Political hyperbole and axioms do
little to quell the pain or stave the losses. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Resentment, sorrow, bemoaning our
malaise. We’re uprooted, torn asunder, flung to the wolves. Traumatized and
angry, blaming FEMA, the state, our own ineptitude to plan better. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We were caught up in a historical storm
which tore a rollercoaster from an amusement pier, pushed sand into beachfront
homes and turned quiet neighborhoods into canals. We saw nature’s wrath and
fury up close, witnessed widespread devastation and began the slow task of
rebuilding. Amid the chaos and anger, we saw strangers helping strangers.
Whether assisting an elderly neighbor, cooking hot meals or helping someone move,
the best of humanity revealed itself following Sandy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Though Sandy destroyed our homes
and property, it didn’t damage true goodness. Selfless acts of kindness came
through, amid all this suffering.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We huddle for warmth and give thanks. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-38951202163655871622013-10-08T14:50:00.001-07:002013-10-18T11:23:38.208-07:00Sleepwalking Through America<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>At 12:01 a.m. on Tuesday, Oct. 1,
the federal government shut down after the Democrat-controlled Senate and
Republican-controlled House of Representatives clashed over a federal spending
bill.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The House and Senate reached an
impasse, when House Republicans passed their version of the spending bill which
contained an amendment delaying enforcement by one year of the Affordable Care
Act’s “individual mandate” requiring all Americans to buy health insurance. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The legislation also appointed
Republicans to attend a Senate budget conference, which Democrats previously
requested.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The Senate flatly rejected the
proposal, requesting the House pass a bill absent of the provisions. Democrats called for the passage of
a “clean bill”, absent of Obamacare provisions. The Republicans flatly refused,
saying Obamamcare’s healthcare exchange marketplaces, due to open Oct. 1, would
usher in a thousand years of darkness, cause baby Jesus to weep and break up
more marriages than Internet porn.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In less flippant, cynical times,
such posturing would be met with a bare-knuckle scrum at the feet of the
Lincoln Memorial, where Senators, locked in death-embraces, rip each other
apart like wild dogs. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Today, we’re the victims of an
omnipresent media, turning its nattering pundits loose across the airwaves,
ramping up the spin-machine and mass-producing bullshit. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Now the finger-pointing.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Now the incessant carping.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
For this, the hoi polloi are
rewarded with no functioning government.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We’ve passed the threshold of
kindness, America. We’re plummeting off the deep end, hurling down a bottomless
chasm ringed with ads for Taco Bell, Crocs and Duck Dynasty. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
This country is becoming more and
more like a trailer park, but not the fun kind of trailer park with immaculate
lawns, happy-go-lucky neighbors and friendly grandmas who leave warm apple pies
to cool on the windowsill. No, it’s the kind of festering trailer park inhabited by shifty, inbred rednecks staring blankly at you with narrowed eyes and
tilted brows while polishing their shotguns and guzzling cheap beer. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In his farewell address in 1796,
George Washington said “However [political parties] may now and then answer
popular ends, they are likely in the course of time and things, to become
potent energies, by which cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be
enabled to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the
reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted
them to unjust dominion.”<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Washington’s dreaded premonition is
our current reality. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
America is a happy dystopia,
populated with unwitting dupes too apathetic or lackadaisical to challenge the
entrenched oligarchs who blithely gobble every last morsel of freedom from the
people’s plate. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Politics has grown nasty, a blood
sport akin to bear-baiting or bull fighting. It’s gladiatorial combat with
thousand dollar plate dinners, where the same trite partisan hackery and
rhetoric passes for insightful wisdom. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s not so much the blind leading
the blind, but the blind who think they can see, leading people who are only nearsighted. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s like sending out a bunch of
invitations for a celebrity dinner party and having only Charles Manson and
Pauly Shore show up. The only ones who appear are deluded, bloodthirsty
maniacs or complete nincompoops. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Hate speech isn’t so much a crime
but a national pastime. Political campaigns, unrestricted in the amount of
donations they receive, are free to engage in duplicitous behavior, hurling
accusations against opponents and perceived “enemies”.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In short, our leaders are assholes.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Assholes with power are the worst
kind. Both parties are power-hungry in their pursuit of domination, even
subverting the Constitution to get their way. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The last concern a politician has
is for his fellow man. Chiefly paramount is his own welfare, the
strength of his political party and how he can gain an advantage over the
secular, the intellectual, the free-thinker. His goal is to cause dissention
and strife, to reap a whirlwind of shit and dismantle all unity in favor of
chaos, to drive the hopeful into hopelessness and the secure into insecurity. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In short, his goal is to win.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The shutdown is not a coup de
grace. It’s not a win for Republicans. Not a victory for stalwarts who “made a
point” by closing the federal government’s operations. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s a failure for all the smug,
conceited, Limbaugh-listening, round-gutted, Hummer-driving conservative
stereotypes who use Obamacare as an excuse. Congressional Republicans tried killing the law over 40 times since it was signed in 2010. Despite being as jumbled as a dyslexic spelling bee, Obamacare is the law. It's a clusterfuck, but it's America's clusterfuck.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Instead of accepting the law's inevitability, instead of educating the citizenry on the Affordable Care Act's specifics, our leaders gave us fear-mongering, outright distortions and disinformation.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The absence of true leadership leaves a vacuum, one filled with ugly attacks.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Blame for the shutdown rests
squarely on the Republicans. It’s bad political theater, complete with
histrionics, posturing and nutjob pronouncements of a party in its early death
rattle. It’s time to admit the batshit craziness of the Tea Party subverts any
good the GOP once had. For the long-term survival of the party, it’s time to
cut these guys loose and return them to the shack in the swamp.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Slash and burn tactics are
desperate. Both parties claim moral ground, yet their desire to reject
compromise shows how ineffective they are at working together to solve
problems. Instead we're burdened with acrimony and stubborn representatives willing to carve a name for themselves in blood from the well of the House Chamber.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Washington D.C. used to be a town where
the future course of the nation was established, where men clung to their
principles, espoused creeds and prayed for wisdom. They cherished liberty
and the gift freedom affords us. Now it's is a playground of vindictive
tyrants, K Street lobbyists in Battistoni wingtips, gawking sycophants tapping
on Blackberries, and alcoholic corporate journalists banging out their latest
screeds on their MacBooks. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Not so much a shining city on the
hill, but a ghetto of Section 8 housing with high-class escorts and an
unprincipled spending habit. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
What did America do to deserve such a collection of incompetent, recalcitrant hucksters, thieves and
con-artists? <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s like every school bully you
knew growing up entered Congress, where they proceeded to torment America with
wet-willies, wedgies and swirlies, before confiscating our lunch money.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Now it’s not their fault they’re so
damaged and botched, these egocentric sociopaths devoid of scruples. It’s not
inherently in their genetic makeup to behave so irrationally with no regard or
empathy of humanity. It's not their fault they succumb to the temptation of campaign donations and are led on a leash by their corporate masters.<br />
<br />
It's not Congress's fault they have abysmal approval ratings.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It's our fault. It’s because we let them get away
with it. When you see something wrong and don’t report it, chances are it will
continue. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Congress’ bad behavior, its
partisan bickering, vile rancor and outright naked greed is all our fault. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We allowed these botched villains
to run the country through our indifference and apathy.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
By supporting either Democrats or
Republicans, we enable their gridlock. By paying their salaries, we allow their
shenanigans to continue. <span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">My advice: change the management. Vote out all incumbents and start fresh.</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Until then, we're just a nation of somnambulists lurching slowly towards the precipice, lost in our own dreams. </div>
<!--EndFragment-->
The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-18023672328224453362013-09-26T07:15:00.000-07:002013-10-10T05:16:29.457-07:00Promoted
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<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Journalism is my love-hate
relationship. I love the ability to chronicle the folly of man, the absurdities
of existence. When everything clicks, when sources call you back before
deadline and you score that essential document nobody else has, the universe
clicks. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s all gravy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You feel like a 100-foot tall
Woodward and Bernstein, ripping the city’s foul heart asunder, punching through
city hall roof and scooping up errant bureaucrats and public servants in your
fists. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Other times, the sense of futility
is deafening. The mundane conversations, pouring through line-by-line of legislation,
a panging notion everything you write will be misunderstood.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
They’ll think you have an agenda.
Biased. Member of the liberal media elite.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A subversive.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So you dust yourself off, rise from
the barstool and continue writing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You do it because getting the facts
and putting them on the record is essential, lest the propagandists grab the
public’s ear. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Honest, straightforward reporting
is going by the wayside, leaving partisan commentary masquerading as
journalism. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Corporate media with an agenda. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Making fat stacks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Whether the public is informed is
irrelevant. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Fox News, MSNBC and CNN. The demise
of print. A wellspring of Internet news sites, blogs and electronic delivery of
news.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
After nearly 20 years of reporting
for various newspapers, both daily and weekly, I received a promotion.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I am a managing editor. Some of my
co-workers said the promotion was long overdue. As much as I’d like to live in
a cabin by a lake and write novels, journalism is my bread and butter. It’s how
I survive, and if I knew how rough it would be, I’d be doing something
else, like <span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">teaching improv to drunk hipsters at the Unitarian church on Friday nights. Maybe
cleaning toilets or washing dishes in a biker bar.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You know; something more profitable and dignified. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The older I get, the more I realize
we’re all clowns shoved into one comically tiny vehicle. Each of us struggling
and clawing for breathing space before we suffocate or snap our necks. Pressing
against each other, arms knotted like pretzels, there’s nowhere for us to go.
We’re stuck in that stupid car, venturing together on the same journey. We’d
better learn to like the cramped conditions and enjoy the ride.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Another bonus about growing older
is my bullshit detector is finely honed. I know when I’m being lied to, used or
otherwise patronized. My proclivity to be painfully forthright, to the point of
brusqueness, shocks many. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
This is why I’m never invited to
parties.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
As managing editor, I’m responsible
for editing stories, writing headlines and (eventually) pagination. Quite a
responsibility, but I’ve prepared myself for this. Professionally, it’s a dream
come true.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’ve got several ideas I’d like to
see, including a return to investigative journalism and an expanded online
presence. Harnessing social media such as Facebook and Twitter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Newspapers should remain viable
medium for mass communication, but acknowledge the Internet is not some looming
threat. The Internet is another broadcasting tool publishers can use to spread
their content out to the world. Before, we relied on the physical product, the
newspaper which needed to be printed and distributed manually. Now our words
are read on screens to everyone with a computer, cellphone or tablet. How is
this a threat? It should be embraced.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Solid objectivity, research and
superb writing are in short supply. We plan to give this to the public. There’s
a real draught in well-told, local stories. We shouldn’t regurgitate facts, but
put them in some kind of perspective, making issues relevant to readers.
Newspapers inform, entertain and educate. Great newspapers, the stately
broadsheets that have stood the test of time, do this and more. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My mission as
managing editor will be to produce a quality product, one the staff and
community can be proud of. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-39711976501922673852013-09-09T16:50:00.002-07:002013-09-09T16:53:50.236-07:00Press Release<br />
When I receive a press release as a Word Doc instead of a PDF, I can change its content easily. Because I can alter its content easily, stuff like this happens:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis82QVC1UylWqCnZaa0RTDPAwXiZe7-d8r7fAGMTInAe14X_jtzukHHNIV4tlfBq61mMfi-DrrumcU8Y38ULC3Ouq7LXsUeJRuewFbw-22rRatWUbh0fC2I0cfES10zmQTkk2KykpXiac/s1600/pressrelease1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis82QVC1UylWqCnZaa0RTDPAwXiZe7-d8r7fAGMTInAe14X_jtzukHHNIV4tlfBq61mMfi-DrrumcU8Y38ULC3Ouq7LXsUeJRuewFbw-22rRatWUbh0fC2I0cfES10zmQTkk2KykpXiac/s320/pressrelease1.JPG" width="232" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUu3FknX4Jv3YUil5nExmXdIH4YnlLVxgLW-YCby3Dn4C6ahzKOFzWfU9vF94VVTzZMdRgbmBtwbvwGm1HxcknoNG84qO9k1P3yw-F9vdpHX4ks0UcypIhIad-YgH7FugruaqIiR7yzLs/s1600/pressrelease2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUu3FknX4Jv3YUil5nExmXdIH4YnlLVxgLW-YCby3Dn4C6ahzKOFzWfU9vF94VVTzZMdRgbmBtwbvwGm1HxcknoNG84qO9k1P3yw-F9vdpHX4ks0UcypIhIad-YgH7FugruaqIiR7yzLs/s320/pressrelease2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Clicken to Embiggen!</blockquote>
<br />
Don't let stuff like this happen. Send only PDFs as press releases. Thank you.<br />
<br />The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-86671790236417383612013-08-01T13:51:00.001-07:002013-08-02T02:55:35.813-07:00Motherhoodwinked <br />
Proving CNN is at the vanguard of supplying the world with relevant information, the network's website ran an essay by writer Zoe Zorka today, where she bemoans her difficult decision not to have children.<br />
<br />
Double Z's gripes stemmed from her own feelings and views on child-rearing and motherhood, and how stigmatized she is for not wanting her vagina to be a two-way street instead of a vacant cul-de-sac.<br />
<br />
I know plenty of women who don't want children. It's their personal choice, and I respect that.<br />
<br />
Time Magazine tackled the subject in a cover story entitled "Having It All Without Having Children", which includes the following: "The decision to have a child or not is a private one, but it takes place, in America, in a culture that often equates womanhood with motherhood."<br />
<br />
But Zorka, 27, takes it too far, comparing herself to a civil rights champion persecuted for choosing not to plop out a few kids.<br />
<br />
Read her crazy screed here: <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/01/living/parents-irpt-zorka-no-kids/index.html#cnn-disqus-area">http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/01/living/parents-irpt-zorka-no-kids/index.html#cnn-disqus-area</a>.<br />
<br />
I know, right?<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
Pretty self-absorbed and delusional, even for a Millennial.<br />
<br />
When I first read this, I though, "Oh, I see what you're doing, CNN! You're putting stories from The Onion on your news site! Quite a jape, you scurvy knaves!"<br />
<br />
However, it's no joke. She fancies herself as an activist facing discrimination:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">"I've had women tell me that I was a horrible person, a horrible wife and a horrible American because it was my "duty" to reproduce. I was shocked to hear such a statement in 2013. I was born in the 1980s -- what I thought was an age of enlightenment in which women no longer were pigeonholed into such archaic stereotypes."</span></blockquote>
<br />
First, the 1980s were far from an "age of enlightenment". Ever hear of The Thompson Twins? Rick Astley? Kajagoogoo? Don't fling yourself before us as some martyr for a greater cause. Choosing not to do something doesn't make you a victim of injustice. Being excluded from doing something others do makes you a victim of injustice. Perspective and context matter here. Civil rights activists of the 1960s fought an unjust system for black equality and fair treatment. They suffered death threats, beatings and some were murdered. You're bitched at by some redneck North Carolina housewife and suddenly you're Gandhi? <br />
<br />
I don't see black-clad government troops surrounding your uterus and seizing it. There's no Department of Fertility and Infant Creation. When the feds strap you to a gurney and pump you full of fertility drugs and the sperm from Nobel laureates, then you can complain. Until that horrific dystopia arrives, you're just another entitled, over-educated young American turning a personal choice into a controversy.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">"I identify with many of my gay and lesbian friends in that I've always felt I should be honest about who I was. I don't think it's right to have to say, "Well, we'll have kids someday," just as I don't think it's right for a gay man to have to say, "Someday I'll meet a nice girl and settle down." Like him, this is simply who I am."</span></blockquote>
<br />
Here's where the argument really veers into Crazyland. Gays and lesbians face prejudice and ignorance every day, and some of it not ending well. Remember Matthew Shepard, that 21-year old gay man tortured to death in Colorado? Or Mark Carson, a 32-year old gay man shot in the face in New York? Or any of the 30 gay, lesbian or transgender victims murdered by hate crimes in 2011, the highest in one year? With the exception of the Middle East, where are childless women tortured to death or killed outright? The self-righteous brittle old busybodies giving you the cold shoulder because your desire not to have babies are not the Mujahideen or the Westboro Baptist Church. They're just Slimfast-drinking, stretch mark-covered bimbos who believe Jesus puts babies in their naughty parts so they could feel less dead inside.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Like the equal rights crusaders before me who have challenged the beliefs of society with regard to race, gender and sexual orientation, I realize that my views will not always be popular. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">I just wish to do my part in creating a society that allows everyone, regardless of personal choices, to be accepted and able to express themselves freely without fear of judgment."</span></blockquote>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
I'm sure the real civil rights crusaders who have done and who still do risk their lives fighting oppression think your manifesto is a load of self-absorbed, narcissistic navel-gazing designed to rationalize your petty decision. Choosing not to breed is a personal choice, but it's a choice. Society might judge you and your husband for that decision, and you might get sour looks from country club biddies, but so what? Nobody's burning crosses on your lawn or calling you "faggot" or "queer".<br />
<br />
Certain religious affiliations are opposed to your choice because hedonistic lifestyles - such as sex without reproduction - are verboten. Since this isn't the Middle Ages, where the church held considerable influence, who cares? People judge every decision you make. It's 21st Century America, where everyone's restless, bored and opinionated. Whether these opinions rely on common sense is another matter. People undoubtedly called you selfish for not wanting kids. So? It doesn't mean you should turn it into a rallying cry for women shamed by breeders. It's your life and your decision. Don't label yourself an oppressed minority striving to right a social wrong. <br />
<br />
Again, I have nothing against women or men who don't want kids. More power to ya. My objection is this whiny bitchfest, a constant carping and cry for attention. Use your creative energies for more important things and stop hogging space on CNN's website; they have to return to providing their audience with more conjecture and pseudo-journalism. <br />
<br />
<br />The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-78262981928277465732013-07-30T08:55:00.002-07:002013-07-30T09:00:15.793-07:00Cast AsideSo I called an organization today because I'm reporting on breaking news only they could answer. Many news outlets have dealt with them over the past few days, and I was put on hold with the director for over five minutes.<br />
<br />
The interview hadn't begun when I'm told the local TV news van pulled up and could I possibly call back in an hour.<br />
<br />
Really? You're pulling that shit with me? I have to terminate my interview after being told to wait on the phone because the fucking TV news is there?<br />
<br />
What a festering mound of iguana shit!<br />
<br />
If you have any doubt about the power of TV versus print, here's your example. Our local TV news station is run by tranquilized Rhesus monkeys and still people laud them as the bulwark of truth. They stagger in late to meetings, usually with a cameraman who resembles a scruffy crack addict, and an attractive reporter who looks like she headed her sorority's pledge class. Everyone from public officials to normal humans genuflect in their anointed presence as the camera begins rolling and the sound bites start flying.<br />
<br />
Look, I get how a local weekly newspaper is about as effective as a woman taking a pregnancy test one month after conception. I get how the Internet is the Grand Poobah of media, how not having an online presence spells extinction for print.<br />
<br />
What I don't get is how this organization can push me aside for the local TV news when I was on the phone waiting for an interview. This isn't the first time I've been cast aside because the coiffed and buffed overpaid mannequins of local TV barged in with a grandiloquent flourish.<br />
<br />
There really isn't anything positive I can say about TV news. I find it manipulative, shallow and inane. It's a sensationalistic sideshow responsible for dumbing down the issues, distilling them into easily digestible sound bites and squirting them into the viewer's brains. Whenever that news van shows up, something magical occurs. Rational people lose their sanity and are turned into groveling morlocks from the Hollow Earth.<br />
<br />
"Oooh, look! It's the local TV news! Look at how stunning the reporter is! She's got the wholesomeness of Kelly Ripa with the sassiness of a German dominatrix!"<br />
<br />
The more I work as a print journalist, the more I'm convinced my life is one cosmic joke. Like Jim Carey in "The Truman Show", I'm trapped in a world not of my making. My life is one gargantuan Skinner Box filled with tantalizing rewards and cruel punishments. I'm beaten down severely, reminded that everything is suffering, that intelligence and effort don't matter, and douchebags in suits reap rewarding careers and respect.<br />
<br />
Since America is an illiterate funhouse filled with whining children, obese mothers in muumuus and angry men screaming partisan rhetoric at their radios, this slight by TV news makes sense. It's a frustrating experience going to work every day to interview people, writing the words, accurately portraying events and crafting a news story only to be stopped by someone who doesn't appreciate print. Whether words on paper or a screen, language and writing matter. TV relies on images, folksy personalities and attractive presenters. Whether substance leaks through into the broadcast is purely incidental.<br />
<br />The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-325206464806856932013-07-18T16:41:00.000-07:002013-08-01T03:42:24.027-07:00Media Whores<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In the Netflix series “House of
Cards”, journalist Zoe Barnes, played by Kate Mara, has a torrid affair with
Congressman Frank Underwood, played by Kevin Spacey. Their relationship is one
of self-interest and convenience; Barnes receives insider information about the
horse-trading in Washington’s back rooms, while Underwood has a reporter he
controls. In one scene, Underwood tells her the sex is not about his
gratification, but power. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
For Barnes, compromising her
integrity and ethics as a journalist is all about obtaining information other
reporters can’t get. It’s about getting the exclusive, and breaking the story.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The messy stuff about journalistic
ethics and morality merely cloud her goals.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
House of Cards is the latest
Hollywood depiction of female journalists who using their vaginas to score the
news. Though an excellent political drama with intense acting and superb
writing, House of Cards trots out the cliché of “repwhoreters” – female
reporters sleeping with their sources. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Barnes is determined, almost
sociopathic in her calculations. She fires back at her editor, refuses to name
her source and continues to pester Underwood for more crumbs. Veteran reporter
Janine Skorsky, played by Constance Zimmer, excoriates the youth Barnes on her
brashness, and calls her “Twitter twat” for her reliance on social media. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yet in a later episode, Skorsky
admits that she, too, had a fling with a congressman, and also bedded sources
for information. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“I used to suck, screw, and jerk
anything that moved just to get a story,” Skorsky said with pride, then names
the list of her Capital Hill paramours. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The implication here is female
reporters are hookers with steno pads, rubbing uglies and prostituting
themselves for stories. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In the movie Ironman, Robert Downey
Jr. plays weapons magnate Tony Stark, a millionaire playboy with a penchant for
extravagance. Early in the film, reporter Christine Everhart, played by Leslie
Bibb, abruptly grills Stark on the dangers of the arms industry. Everhart,
opposed to weapons, proceeds to lecture him on the consequences of an arms
race. Stark retorts with a verbal beat-down of his own, contending his
company’s scientific innovations do more good than harm.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“You ever lose an hour of sleep your
whole life?” Everhart asks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“I’d be prepared to lose a few with
you,” Stark replies. Cut to both of them tumbling in bed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Why did Everhart, who wanted a
“serious answer” from her source – who she philosophically despises – sleep
with him? Wouldn’t he be repugnant to her? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I loathed this scene when I saw it
because it depicted Everhart as an airhead cocktease instead of a serious
reporter. But she did write for Vanity Fair, so I guess my previous assessment
was accurate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In the 1981 film Absence of Malice,
Sally Field plays reporter Megan Carter, who has an affair with Michael
Gallagher, played by Paul Newman, a man accused of a crime she’s writing about.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Even if you have the brain of a
gnat, you’d comprehend the ethical conundrum of banging the subject of your
stories. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
No professional distance or
restraint. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Just knob-gobbling and stained
sheets. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Despite these cinematic depictions,
not all female reporters engage in such unprofessional conduct. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It amazes me that now, in 2013, men
still don’t know how to communicate with women. They misread signals and
interpret a passing interest as romantic interest. Especially lecherous old
politicians and police officers, who fantasize about attractive reporters or
any women for that matter, as sexual objects to be conquered or dominated. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Female reporters are portrayed as
naughty news vixens using seduction on powerful middle aged men so they answer
questions. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
What does it say about professional
reporters who become emotionally and physically involved with the men they
cover? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Why risk your impartiality for
cock, even if that cock is attached to a powerful millionaire with access to
the nuclear launch codes? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
These women aren’t confined to the
realm of Hollywood bullshit. They’re not all forged from the deranged imagination
of a screenwriter.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Philadelphia Inquirer reporter
Laura Foreman slept with Pennsylvania state Senator Henry Cianfrani, whom she
wrote about. Her editors at the Inquirer knew about the relationship and allowed
it to continue, but when Foreman went to The New York Times and it was
discovered she played tonsil hockey with Cianfrani, she was let go. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
New York Times reporter Judith Miller
slept with Congressman Les Aspin while he was her source. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Gina Chon, a Wall Street Journal
reporter who covered the war in Iraq, had a relationship with former National
Security Council official Brett McGurk, while using him as a source. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Telemundo reporter Mirthala Salinas
had an affair with Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa while covering him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Now I might sound like Captain
Misogynist from Planet Chauvinist, but such behavior is unethical. One of the
reasons why the media is a clown bukkake nightmare circus is the erosion of the
public’s trust. How can readers rely on reporters to deliver the news
objectively without a hint of bias or favoritism when the reporters are
robo-fuckbots screwing for stories? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So here’s my advice to all reporters, both male and female. Ready?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The thing you do with your genitals and your sources? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Don’t so that. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Seriously. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You’re better than that. I know it’s
your prerogative to go with your gut and emotions, but trust me on this.
What you’re doing just makes you look like a desperate asshole. Use your brains.
Interviewing is not difficult. If you’re really desperate for a fling, fuck the
mulatto in the mailroom or the nerd in the IT department. But a vibrator if you
must, but don’t bang your sources. If you do, you’ll be a sad cliché, joining
the ranks of the manipulative reporters who buy into the sordid quid pro
quo agreements politicians, police officers and businessmen have with their
Lois Lane knock-offs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Focus on the information gathering
and writing. If your source gets grabby or aggressive, blast the fucker with
pepper spray. Take pride in yourselves and your career. You’re supposed to be a
reporter, not a Las Vegas escort. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Besides, do you really want to have
rough sex with a politician while his bodyguard stands outside the hotel room
door? Or have an elderly businessman perform autoerotic asphyxiation on you
with his necktie while slapping his wrinkled scrotum against your chin?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Remember, you can’t ask
them questions with a mouthful of dick.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-50021585631517006772013-06-27T09:34:00.001-07:002013-06-27T13:04:20.249-07:00Adventures in LarrylandEarly this morning, around 3 a.m., I sat in front of my laptop and downloaded a video game. This was no ordinary hack and slash or explosion-laden shooter. The game's protagonist is a 40-year old virgin named Larry Laffer and his only weapon is his rampant libido and penchant for striking out with the ladies.<br />
<br />
The game, Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded, is the latest offering from Replay Games and N-Fusion Interactive. A tribute to the halcyon days of point-and-click graphical adventure games, LSL Reloaded was made possible through a successful crowd funding effort on Kickstarter last spring. It took one year for the developers to go from a rough demo and concept sketches to one hell of a game.<br />
<br />
Back in 1987, Leisure Suit Larry was one of my favorite computer games. Larry Laffer is a leisure suited lothario who arrives in the gambling and vice mecca of Lost Wages for one bawdy night of gambling, drinking and chatting up women. Larry's goal is to score with the woman of his dreams. The snag: he's an uncool dolt who fancies himself a Casanova. Despite his posturing, the lovable loser is an Everyman the players can root for.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
He shoots! He scores! Larry's a disco douche, but the ladies love his moves. </blockquote>
When the game's creator, Al Lowe, pleaded for funding for the Kickstarter campaign last year, I jumped at the chance to support it. Now, over a year later, Replay Games and N-Fusion Interaction released the game to backers. I completed the adventure in a matter of hours for the purpose of writing this blog entry. I'll return to Lost Wages later to savor and explore every cranny and orifice, just to make Larry proud.<br />
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Replay Games released Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded at midnight Pacific time. That meant for those die-hard Larry fans on the East coast, the game went live at 3 a.m. I went to Replay's website, entered my special key expressly for Kickstarter backers, and began downloading the game to my Mac. A few minutes later I was immersed in Larry's world of Lost Wages, seedy bars and dodgy characters.<br />
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The final product is a spectacular journey into familiar territory for fans of the original Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards. Slicker hand-drawn graphics, superb soundtrack by composer Austin Wintory, fresh puzzles, hilarious dialogue and a new girl - Jasmine, an Asian whale trainer - make this version a must-have. The original voice of Larry, Jan Rabson, returns with his usual brilliance. Hearing Rabson deliver Larry's signature introduction, "Hey, baby. My name is Larry; Larry Laffer" reminds fans just how that voice brings the nebbishy would-be playboy to life. Brad Venable is the cheeky narrator, adding snarky commentary on everything and everyone Larry interacts with.<br />
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Back at Lefty's. It's like Cheers, but sleazier, and nobody knows your name. </blockquote>
Some of the puzzles have been rewritten, but the basic plot is still present. Left's bar still holds a drunk, secret back room and hooker, but making things happen involves different puzzles instead of the ones from the original game. There's also a plaque in Lefty's dedicated to the Larry Kickstarter 69'ers, those Kickstarter backers who pledged an additional 69 cents. I'm listed on the plaque, and it left me gobsmacked seeing my name in one of my favorite adventure game franchises. Thanks to the designers for honoring the donors who gave a little bit more for Larry.<br />
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Larry Kickstarter 69'ers scrolling plaque. Because 69 cents means we give AND receive.</blockquote>
I posted last month how disappointed I was with not having a Mac beta to play with in advance of the general release. The PC beta was available to PC users, but us Mac users were left suffering. However, I think Replay Games compensated for this perceived slight by releasing an exceptionally well-designed, well-executed game. LSL Reloaded is fun to play, and a fitting homage to old school computer games.<br />
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Larry celebrating with a willing romantic partner. Bottoms up! </blockquote>
A series of icons enable Larry to move, examine, taste, touch and talk to the world around him. There's an inventory menu where the player can store and interact with various objects Larry acquires by poking around. Larry still requires a taxi to get around Lost Wages, and this can be expensive. I found gambling at Caesar's Phallus casino can restore Larry's depleted funds.<br />
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There are some red herrings in the game. One puzzle involving bungee cords and a fire escape tripped me up, but I eventually solved it after much cursing. Another puzzle involving creating the perfect perfume is also new, but is easy if you know what you're looking for. There's also an endearing moment with an inflatable doll, which comes in handy for Larry (and not the way you're thinking).<br />
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Josh Mandel as Dr. Frankenstein and Paul Trowe as Igor during Larry's resurrection scene. </blockquote>
Of course the big reason I supported the Kickstarter was Al Lowe's participation. Lowe designed games for Sierra-Online, the original publisher for the Leisure Suit Larry games. Josh Mandel, another veteran game designer and comedian, provided writing and voices. Paul Trowe, who tested games for Sierra, founded Replay Games, the publisher of Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded. These gentlemen, along with the New Jersey-based N-Fusion Interactive, labored tirelessly on reworking Leisure Suit Larry. Their endeavor shows in the game's high quality, from the voice acting, to musical score, to the animation and humor. The entire team did right by the Kickstarter backers, and after a frenetic year, they can finally sleep soundly knowing they made one kick-ass game.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Larry's romantic escapades land him in hot water...</blockquote>
Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded is a love letter to retro-gaming. It's Al Lowe's gift to all of the fans who enjoyed the Larry franchise and had to endure years of no games, or two terrible games by Vivendi, which re-imagined the franchise with Larry's nephew, Larry Lovage. Lowe had no input into the Larry Lovage games, and it showed.<br />
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With the success of this Kickstarter, Larry Laffer is reborn, bigger and better. All of the right elements coalesced into a superbly funny adventure game and a lighthearted adult romp reminiscent of 1980s interactive entertainment.<br />
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Hopefully, Lowe, Trowe and Mandel will remake the other Leisure Suit Larry games, and give the polyester-clad hero more cheesy pickup lines and awkward situations for our sadistic amusement.<br />
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The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-71508516956649958232013-06-20T09:32:00.002-07:002013-06-20T09:32:40.298-07:00The Man Rests Deep
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The day Alfred Mansley died, the sun eclipsed a pale sliver
behind a bulbous moon, cloaking the skies in muddy darkness. Soothsayers
babbled about ominous portents and dire prognostications of the solar event,
while the sane merely balked and returned to their 24-hour cable bitchfests and
the latest decapitation pornography. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mansley would’ve enjoyed the sublime irony of the eclipse
over his funeral. He might’ve told his guests casually over a strong demitasse
and biscotti how he planned the entire thing, and coordinated his demise to
coincide with the solar eclipse. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’ll give the funeral guests something to talk about on
the ride home,” he’d say in his clipped northeastern accent. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His guests would’ve predictably guffawed at the remark, and
respond with grins and giggles, “Madly droll, you are, Alfred! Where do you
come up with these things?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But such a scenario wouldn’t play out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alfred Mansley, publisher of the Rutland Beacon, Vermont’s
most conservative newspaper, was dead of a brain aneurysm at age 78. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mansley family began the Beacon in 1894 and through the
years weathered the tumultuous waves of success and failure. While other papers
fell to financial realities of the publishing industry, the Beacon,
tight-fisted and tenacious, clung like a wet kitten on the bow of a
tempest-tossed scow. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Mansley assumed control of the newspaper from his
father, the late Lionel John Mansley in 1973, the country was in the throes of
scandal, social upheaval and domestic unrest. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mansley fired all male reporters with hair past their
collars and ordered women in the secretary pool to wear skirts down past their
knees. Priggish and puritanical, Mansley scoffed at the youthful “free love”
movement and began a companywide purge of unmarried employees. To him, family
values and tradition trumped a natural, healthy sexual appetite. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In 1994, Vermont Gov. Howard Dean presented a proclamation
to Mansley, honoring the Rutland Beacon’s 100<sup>th</sup> anniversary. Mansley
touted the success of his publication by offering deep discounts on subscriptions,
which nearly doubled overnight. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rutland Beacon reporters Jake Proctor and Ellie Grauman won
statewide reporting awards, further boosting the paper’s reputation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet things wouldn’t remain rosy for the stodgy daily
newspaper. After 2002, the paper’s circulation began a steady decline in
readership, subscriptions and advertisers. The once mighty bulwark of the Green
Mountain State began crumbling under the hefty weight of cable news networks,
Internet news sites and general public apathy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After a disastrous shareholder’s meeting, Mansley, infirm
and decrepit, cloistered himself in his mansion, never to leave. Mangy, unkempt
and resembling Howard Hughes during the batshit crazy years, Mansley fell into
a blissful dysfunction, a calming madness. He spent mornings cushioned in his
four-poster bed, surrounded by opulent paintings, furnishings and the aid of
his manservant, Othello, which wasn’t really the Dominican man’s name, but
Mansley saw all black people with a fractured racial lens: either they were exotic
foreigners worthy of Shakespeare’s titular Moor, or they were antebellum
servants from <i>Gone With The Wind</i>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By noon, Mansley struggled from his bedchamber, bathed, took
his required bowel movement, and trudged downstairs for lunch. His cook, a
Jamaican woman he called Mammy, served him the same thing every day: prime rib
(medium rare), two eggs (over easy) and a bottle of Dom Perignon. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Following his
meal, he’d head to his study, where, flanked by bookshelves, a liquor cabinet
and a large oaken desk, the old man read the news and caught up with world
events. He’d guzzle Scotch and soda and write correspondence to his friends and
family; mostly rambling diatribes about how publishing is a serpent coiled
around the leg of an incontinent elephant, waiting to be violently trampled. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When his business associates came calling, he’d welcome them
with alacrity and entertain them in the billiard room. The old man, a gaunt,
pale giant, towered over the soft green felt table, cue in hand, and eyed his
next shot. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During one of these social calls, Beacon editor Walt Hirsch
noticed Mansley hovered between lucidity and madness. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The president thinks he can toy with this nation, with what
we built, by punishing us, Walter. This ebony-colored jackal socialist yearns
to put people like me out of business, and for what? Because we’re successful.
Because we’ve labored our lives believing in America,” Mansley said, and tapped
the ivory ball with his cue. The ball drifted slowly over the green felt and
into a leather pocket. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s getting difficult every day to do this job,” Hirsch said,
staring absentmindedly into his Scotch, examining the light reflecting off the
clinking ice cubes. “Reporters are paramecium. Flagellating protozoa.
Microscopic pond scum. When I started in 1990, I was young and optimistic,
right out of J-school. I was going to cover corruption at the highest levels
and keep the bastards honest.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I take it things didn’t exactly work out for you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Far from it. The more I delved into stories, the more I wrote,
the more I uncovered, the more people pulled away. It’s as if the people
resented me for bringing to light uncomfortable truths.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mansley chortled, and hacked up a glob of phlegm. He dabbed
a handkerchief to the corner of his mouth. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Pardon, Walter. I found your lament utterly ridiculous,”
Mansley said. “If working in publishing has taught me anything, it’s the
public’s fickle temperament. People are idiots. No discipline, no tastes. No
capacity for responsibility.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Still, it’s a bit depressing to try to do your job when
everyone hates you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Bullshit,” the old man said, and sunk another billiard ball
without blinking. “Look at me. Everyone despises me. The liberals, the
secularists, my competition. Those frumpy, effete country club bastards. All
tough talk and no balls. I didn’t make this organization thrive without making
enemies. Believe me, if you’re making people angry, you’re sticking to your
guns. You’re true to yourself.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hirsch realized Mansley was correct. Bless his diseased,
shrunken heart, he thought. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The Internet is killing us. Everything is instant updates,
minute to minute,” Hirsch said, swallowing the last of his Scotch with a
satisfying gulp. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Such is the nature of things these days,” Mansley said.
“High-speed data transfers this, fiber optic network that. Can’t wrap my head
around all this technology. We’ve got people who understand that shit better
than I do. That’s what I pay them for.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I don’t want to keep whining about this…”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh, don’t stop. It’s amusing,” Mansley said, and handed his
cue to Othello, who wore an expression of grim indifference. “This is business,
Walter. It’s gathering the news, feeding the beast. It’s convincing businesses
to advertise with us. Making money. Prospering. Thriving in a world of infotainment,
opinion-spewing pundits and lurid photos of some starlet’s tits.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“How do we compete against that?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We don’t. We continue to print the news the way we always
have. Stay the course.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“But the world isn’t a 45 rpm vinyl record. It’s an mp3
blaring from an iPod. News has to be sensationalized, in-your-face, obnoxious
roar. It’s The New York Daily News, Fox News, MSNBC. It’s telling people what
they want to hear. I hate this new world we live in, too, but we can’t ignore
it.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“So what do you suggest?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hirsch thought for a moment as the old man fixed his eyes
upon him like a vulture surveying a piece of freshly-killed carrion. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We make the Beacon relevant, not just for Rutland, but for
all of Vermont. Hell, make it regional. New England. Make is essential for
people to read,” Hirsch said. “Crank up the volume and make it louder, better,
bigger.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mansley thanked Hirsch for his thoughtful input and welcomed
further dialog on improving his family’s newspaper. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By the day’s end, he fired Hirsch.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
* * * <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You know what they’re saying about me, Othello?” Mansley
said to his manservant as he stood over the toilet pissing. His urine trickled
in a puny stream into the porcelain bowl, splashing on the rim and sprinkling
on the tiled floor. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The butler shook his head.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I don’t know, sir. What are they saying?” Othello replied. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“They say I’m a low-rent Charles Foster Kane. As in Orson
Welles’ <i>Citizen Kane</i>. Can you imagine? Me, some greedy, tyrannical plutocrat.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The mind boggles, sir.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Right,” Mansley said, finishing his tinkle and pulling his
wrinkled penis into his striped silk pajamas. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The butler wiped Mansley’s hands with a scented towel and
the old man clutched his ivory-tipped mahogany cane. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ambling into his bedchamber, Mansley crawled into bed. It
was nearly 2 a.m. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s not my fault this dysfunctional world lost its
purpose,” Mansley said as Othello kneaded the downy, goosefeather pillows.
“Everyone’s looking for a quick fix, simple solutions to complicated problems.
Nobody wants to work anymore, to sweat. The whole country’s gone soft.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Othello finished fluffing the pillows and stood ramrod
straight. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Will there be anything else, sir?” the butler asked
crisply. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Perhaps a nightcap. Snifter of brandy, please.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The butler nodded and retrieved a bottle of brandy the next
room. He poured the syrupy, heady liquid into a bulbous snifter. Mansley rolled
the glass in his hand and sipped it gingerly. The brandy warmed his throat as
it descended down his esophagus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Othello, can I tell you something?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Anything, sir.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The old man sat up in bed, his eyes moistening, lip
trembling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Years ago, I could’ve gotten married. I met this beautiful
society girl at the yacht club. She had grace and poise. She didn’t take shit
from anyone, either, especially me. Thought I’d met the one. Her name was
Beatrice, and she was everything I’d hope for,” Mansley said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What happened to her, sir?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mansley coughed and stiffened. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“She wouldn’t wait for me. I delayed the courtship because I
wanted to make more money. Wanted to make the Rutland Beacon the greatest paper
in the state. So demanding. Working late at night. Meeting clients during the
day. This newspaper consumed my time. In the end, Beatrice thought I wasn’t
interested and moved on. Married an investment banker and moved to Martha’s
Vineyard. The years haven’t been kind to me, Othello.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“My condolences on your lost love, sir.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mansley acknowledged his butler’s empathy with a slight wave
of his hand. He dried his eyes and sunk deeper into the pillow.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“That was a long time ago,” Mansley said, shifting his tone
from teary recollection to tough indifference. “We’re all at the mercy of the
past, sooner or later.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Quite right, sir.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The butler turned off the light and departed in silence. A
moonbeam fell through the window, across the room, pouring over the satin
sheets and four-poster bed where Alfred Mansley slept, curled like an infant,
drifting dreamlike where Beatrice awaited, her arms outstretched. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8572029957273143188.post-25598980602397510432013-06-10T18:43:00.001-07:002013-06-10T18:46:13.712-07:00American Masquerade<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>I took a shuttle on a shockwave
ride,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>Where people on the pen pull the
trigger for accolades</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>I took a bullet and I looked inside
</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i>Running through my veins an
American masquerade</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .75in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-font-width: 0%;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><!--[endif]-->The
Killers</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Sam’s Town</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
America
is an empire in decline, and to deny it means you're not paying attention or are one of the greedy bastards who put us here. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Hard truth time: We're in the burning Rome phase of
our civilization, and it's been on a gradual slide down an offal-caked shaft
towards the rotating blades for the last 30 years. Despite the peaks of
prosperity and technological innovation, the United States has lost its moral
compass and international standing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We are a society at war with
itself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In those kinds of struggles,
there's no clear winner, just piles of corpses and self-righteous slogans. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s increasingly difficult to stay
positive, to believe mankind is eternally good while only a few narcissistic lunatics grab the headlines. We’re better than the crude knuckle-dragging troglodytes,
the reality TV whores and political pimps. Each one of us should strive for something meaningful in our lives instead of the obligatory fame and fortune. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We want to learn a bit more about
this vast mystery called life, while leaving something for future generations.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Looking around me, I cannot help
but think somewhere along the line, we faltered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Our institutions are systematically
failing us: government, media, church, banks. We might as well just throw our
hands up and live in the woods, if we didn't already run roughshod with
deforestation. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
America: if you can exploit it, you
can profit from it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Isn't that what this country is
about? Power and money? Penises and greed? Obeying over thinking? Bullshit over
facts? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Don't get me wrong. America's
freedoms and culture are exemplary. We hold the shining torch to immigrants,
offer unbridled opportunity for growth and success and are much more permissive
and free than any country on the planet. While other nations have freedom,
America has continually excelled and removed barriers to the downtrodden and
oppressed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yet somewhere we lost our footing.
We became so enamored with the big shiny things and puffed ourselves up with
quixotic fantasies of postindustrial utopian bliss we forgot who we were. We
failed to appreciate our uniqueness, our strength through diversity, our quest
to dream and innovate. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We grew frightened, complacent and
stupid. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We slipped back into the ugliness
of the early 20th Century. Powerful people pushed a dreaded agenda of avarice
and the financial sector and politicians worked in tandem to destroy what
little savings and security we had. From a republic to a plutocratic
oligarchy in one decade. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
After 9/11, Congress passed the
Patriot Act that gave broad-reaching powers and tools to law enforcement
agencies to catch terrorists. America saw a shadowy enemy like no other, and needed
to fight a different kind of war. The public agreed to curb their
Constitutional rights in order for law enforcement to catch terrorists. Don't
ever say Americans haven't made sacrifices in the War on Terror. We allowed our
rights to erode to the point where we can be imprisoned without trials and
bombed by unmanned drones. If you put George Orwell, Ray Bradbury and Anthony
Burgess in the same room, they couldn't dream up a science fiction dystopia as
bad as our current political reality. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>Government: One for All, All for
Themselves</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Current American politics is a
hybrid of representative government and eBay, where bidders vie for the best
puppet to push their interests. Now that the Supreme Court ruled foreign
corporations could donate to American candidates, the entire process is a
free-for-all, flush with riches moneygrab where lobbyists and private companies
have more influence and pull on our legislators than the people. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Anyone in Congress doing the right
thing for the right reasons is an aberration. Politics is broken, with fierce
partisanship trumping compromise. Democrats and Republicans, each one bought
and paid for by their respective interests, continue their loud, embarrassing
tirades while ignoring the people's true will. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
They can't fix our infrastructure,
our education system, our economy or our financial system. Technically, they
could fix these things if they work as a collective. They just don't want to. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
They rationalize "it's too
expensive" or "it's pork barrel spending" or "doing this
will make Baby Jesus cry".</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Congress is not the white knight
rushing to our aid. It's the evil wizard scheming in his dungeon how he can
fuck the peasants out of more treasure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The Democrats are just too
weak-willed and lack the balls to stand up to bullies. They weave this liberal
fantasy of togetherness when the wolves are circling outside, and dwell in
ignorance as the wolves bash the doors down and tear them to pieces. After
Senator Ted Kennedy died, Democrats lost the ability to become forceful innovators
of good and champions of the downtrodden and poor. Instead, they sip sangria in
their townhomes and cheer to Rachel Maddow and John Stewart, a
passive-aggressive way to vent their frustrations.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The Republicans have abandoned
reason and logic long ago. Once the party of fiscal responsibility and
restraint, they've morphed into a nightmare version of themselves. Touting
American exceptionalism, Christianity and xenophobia, the Republican Party
today is what Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal admonished as "the stupid
party." </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Anti-science, anti-intellectual and
uncompromising, they've made a pact with Fox News and their corporate masters
to push a radical right agenda. The Tea Party, supported by the Koch brothers,
are some of the most patriotic people you'd meet, totally dedicated to the
Constitution. They're also some of history's biggest dupes. For the Tea Party,
President Obama is a Kenya-born, Muslim socialist who wants to shred up the
Constitution and indoctrinate your children into gay marriage. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
While cowardice reigns in Democratic quarters, madness currently reigns in
Republican quarters. Right-wing pundits such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean
Hannity and Bill O'Reilly drown out any dissent from fellow conservatives.
It's either the party line or no line, and the last few conservatives who
believe in science and reason have been fed to the flames. You're either with the herd, or you're a RINO. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Political discourse now isn't
debate; it's immature shouting, histrionics and partisan showmanship. It's
pointing fingers, sharpening swords and rumor-mongering. Instead of crossing
the aisle and working together, Democrats and Republicans have dug their heels
and refuse to compromise and find common goals. They see each other not as
colleagues or Americans but "wackos", "crazies",
"tree-huggers", "secularists", "Bible-thumpers",
"nutjobs", "socialists" or worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>The Media Sucks</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Another institution in crisis is
the media. Once revered as watchdogs for the public good and tellers of truth,
the Fourth Estate got in bed with big business and became a dysfunctional
disaster. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Journalists who once conducted
investigative reporting, now are dilettante entertainers and pseudo-actors. The
24-hour cable news networks determine the day's news cycle. Events are reported
ad nauseam with little consideration given to objectivity or context. Splashy animation, stirring music and video are prepared in packages fed through
the networks, and sensationalism holds sway. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Corporate mainstream news outlets
don't present much news. Pundits, talking heads and biased opinions dominate
cable news. Networks such as MSNBC, Fox News and CNN are loaded with opinion
instead of accounts presented factually. Straight news isn't popular. People
need to be told what to think or at least to confirm their beliefs and
longstanding prejudices, they figure, so show more pundits. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Americans are more misinformed now
than ever, with the news failing to report events in an objective, meaningful
way. If reporters had it rough before, they're especially vilified today, and
take on the guise of charlatans and corporate tools. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Even honest journalists who see
their careers as informing the people and crusading against corruption burn out
early. The information age is a relentless bitch, filling our ears and eyes
with nonstop sensationalism, celebrity news and violence. The stories we really
need to see, investigative stories about the government and news from other
countries, seldom receives airtime and is usually delivered in easily
digestible soundbites. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Listen to the right wing pundits
and politicians and we’re made to distrust the media, the very people paid to
inform us. Discredit the messenger, take ownership of the message. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Not that the messengers are doing a
stellar job. They're falling over themselves to report the latest human
failings, celebrity breakups, spree killings, celebrity couples, war, celebrity
arrests, government gridlock, celebrity fighting, economic meltdown, celebrity
announcements. So much of our news is dedicated to fluff and bullshit, the real
stories are pushed aside. The little real news that squeaks through the gate is
often about guns, shootings, social discord and crime. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If you're a regular cable news
watcher, you're either numbed from Zoloft or you've hung yourself from a
utility cord in the shower. It's beyond depressing. Who's watching the public's
interests? Who's telling us what we need to know?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We're purposefully kept in the dark
and fed a diet of bullshit celebutantes from the Hollywood idiot machine.
Everyone has a publicist, everyone craves publicity. Look at us! We're so
self-important!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Meanwhile, in an undisclosed
location, your government is up to some really bad shit and lives are at….
Look!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Honey Boo Boo!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Snooki!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
American Idol!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We have the attention spans of
hyperactive squirrels and that's how the media likes it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Zero integrity and intelligence.
Bimbos and beefcakes. Violence. Sex. Scintillating scandals. Political hackery.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Welcome to the 24-hour news hole, a
vortex sucking our collective consciousness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>Religion: God Inc. </b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If Catholic priests diddling
children wasn't bad enough, the church's leaders, instead of excommunicating
the offending priests, or turning them over to civil authorities or putting
them in the iron maiden or the rack (like the church used to), they're
relocated to other parishes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Imagine if our justice system
worked like that. You take a serial killer/pedophile/arsonist who rapes
multiple kids, sets them on fire and fucks them. Instead of giving the guy the
electric chair or incarcerating him for life, he's put in a truck and driven
across the country and set loose in another town with no arrest or trial. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
That's what the Catholic Church has
done on numerous occasions in numerous countries worldwide. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Get that last part?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Worldwide. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
As in everywhere. It's not just the
Boston Diocese. It's the Catholic Church all over the planet. Church is where
children should feel safe, not have their innocence stolen by the very people
tasked with protecting them from harm. The Catholic Church is not a religion,
it's NAMBLA with collection plates. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If pedophile priests immune to
prosecution doesn't make you angry, the rising tide of fundamentalism will.
Religion in America isn't a free-for-all anymore. It's a tide sweeping souls
toward Protestant megachurches, Biblical cults or movements such as the
Westboro Baptist Church, whose members protest military funerals and anything they
deem is a threat to America, like homosexuality or liberals. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Instead of spreading the Gospel and
preaching tolerance, peace and love, fundamentalists are increasingly
politicizing their message. It's Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort arguing
creationism must be real because of the banana, (or as they call it "the
atheist's nightmare") which Comfort said was created to be gripped and
peeled by man. It's the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky, a place
dedicated to debunking science and learning dinosaurs frolicked with early
humans (insert obligatory Flintstones reference here). It's Pat Robertson of
the 700 Club saying feminism is a "socialist, anti-family, political
movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children,
practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." It's bombing
abortion clinics, stockpiling weapons and waiting for the end times or whatever
superstitious fire and brimstone rapture prophesy the doom cult leader preaches
about on any given week. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I'm all for religious freedom, but
these pseudo-Christians ignore the basic tenants of Christianity. This brand of
religion turns people into zealots and negates their ability to think for
themselves.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
They see the devil in everyone and
everything: Obama, liberals, homosexuals, unwed mothers, secular progressives,
atheists. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If they want to see the devil, they
should look in the mirror. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
How is this any different from
Al-Qaeda or the Taliban? Radical theology inciting violence and hatred. You're
not following Jesus anymore. You're just a dick with a chip on your shoulder
and your brand of religion rationalizes this shitty behavior. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Throughout history, it wasn't the
secularists or rationalists who tortured and persecuted people. It's always the
self-righteous church, with its mandate from on high to convert or kill anyone
they perceive as obstructionists. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If we believe all of the
superstitious hocus-pocus from the church, if we take it all seriously, we give
charlatans the power to dictate our lives. Faith is strong, and many people
devote their lives to it. But when the faith of a few is placed before the good
of the many, mischief and massacres often occur. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It's time to drop the hyperbole and
place reason over rhetoric. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The same thing goes for all of the
liberal religions, too. America should not be a politically correct amusement
park where everyone gets to ride the roller coaster for as long as they want.
If you enjoy communing in nature on a yoga mat while in a casting circle, then
that's your thing. Burning sage will not cleanse the forest of evil nature
spirits any more than Pastor Ted Haggard won't stop guzzling cock or buying
crystal methamphetamine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Your Sunday morning beliefs are
making you look like idiots. Think for yourselves and help the less fortunate.
Don't open fire on a Planned Parenthood clinic or bully gay teens. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Remember all of those goofy What
Would Jesus Do bracelets the evangelicals wore years ago? Jesus would be
appalled by the antics that continue in his name. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b>So What Have We Learned?</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Blogging is like screaming into the void, and this manifesto is part of that muted din, reverberating in an immense echo chamber, undistinguishable and lost in the ear-splitting cacophony. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I don't care if you're offended, perturbed or inconvenienced by this screed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The goal of the writer is to reveal
truth, expose corruption and show humanity's striving to better their current
conditions. If getting you to see truth means plunging ink-tipped biros through
your eyeballs, so be it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We're in a crisis, people. Apathy,
whining and ignorance is not an option.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Get mad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Do something to make America a
better place. Help your community. Teach. Join the service. Volunteer.
Anything. Don't let the forces of greed and corruption continue to sully this
beautiful land, this idea of America. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We need to be a more compassionate
nation, toward each other and towards the world. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Once you lose empathy, you become
cold and selfish. Our capacity for doing good for others must outmatch our
desire to do only for ourselves. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It is this message of love and
tolerance that has outlasted the hatred and tyranny of the past. Americans must
- for their own survival and the survival of the country - turn away from
things that segregate and separate us and flow towards that which nurtures. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If America is to avoid the
ignominious fate of the failed barbarous empires and kingdoms relegated to
history, we must improve. Shun bitterness and petty squabbling and unite for
solutions on how we as a nation can confront problems and solve them. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
History has always been rough, from
the Greeks, Romans and Visigoths, up until present day. It’s a bloodbath of
lies, exploitation and violence. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Civilizations built on the backs of
subjugation and domination. Brutes with swords, holy books and AK-47s. But if
you peel back the grimy veneer of history, you see past the wars, genocides and
conquests. You see in every era, there were people who said no to the status
quo, who remained uncorrupted. They might have been tragic victims, or they
might have been catalysts for change, but they made a decision not to let
cynicism and madness defeat them. They remained pure and good and helped those
in need, sometimes sacrificing their lives to do so. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If we look around today, we see
those kind strangers who extend compassionate hands. This is the difference
between the good and the bad, between hate and love and fear and resolve. If
we’re going to survive on this rock orbiting the Sun, we have to approach
kindness and compassion not as a lifestyle choice or trendy alternative, but as
an imperative. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
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We must have the courage to think
for ourselves and be kind. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->The Angry Reporterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10761543986124769522noreply@blogger.com0