Take that, America!

POTUS showing us some love.

Poetry Night

Sky Cafe in Ocean City featured an open mic night last night. Comedians, poets and musicians performed and it was a splendid evening of local talent. I read five of my poems, "Poppet", "Drowning", "Morality Play", "Descending the Stairs" and "In Defense of Poetry". It went really well; the audience was really receptive and applauded wildly. All in all, there were two poets, two comedians and three musicians and we started at 7:30 p.m. and wrapped up before 9 p.m. I enjoyed reading my stuff to a live audience. Comedy is hit or miss, but poetry strikes deeper. I'm looking forward to writing and reading more poems.

SiCKO

I saw a matinee of Michael Moore's new film, "SiCKO" today. The film is an exploration and denouncement of America's health care industry, with special emphasis on the health insurance companies. I have a mixed impression of Moore's work. I saw him give a lecture live in 2004 and he was friendly and punctuated his points susinctly, but he tended to be partisan towards the left and a little bit whiny. On film, I loved "Roger & Me" and most all of "Bowling for Columbine" (why did he have to go after Dick Clark in that film?). "Fahrenheit 9/11" just made me mad at Bush and was purely a partisan film. However, "SiCKO" was even-handed, mature and totally gut-wrenching. Moore solicited stories from Americans who suffered health insurance nightmares where they couldn't afford health care or their insurance companies wouldn't cover certain ailments or medical conditions, flatly refusing treatments and operations. When you hear from the woman whose husband needed a bone marrow transplant and was refused because the insurance company deemed it an "experimental" procedure, and he later died, it makes you think about how greedy the insurance companies are. Then Moore goes to Canada, England and France, where they have socialized health care and the citizens pay for the nation's health care through taxation and it really is an eye-opener. Visits to the doctor and hospital are free and as a result, the infant mortality rates are lower and life expectancies are higher in those countries. The final, moving scene in the film is the one where a group of rescue workers who responded to the World Trade Center terrorists attacks on 9/11 were denied operations or charged exorbinant amounts for medicine they needed from injuries sustained responding to Ground Zero in Manhattan. Moore takes them to Guantanimo Bay, Cuba where the terror suspects are receiving free health care at the U.S. Naval Base there. When that fails, Moore takes the rescue workers into Havana where they receive free medical care. The film ends with the American rescue workers receiving thanks from Cuban firefighters who pay their respects as bretheren.
The film asks many questions, chiefly, how can the richest country on Earth treat their own people so terribly? The wost scene in the movie showed an elderly homeless woman who couldn't pay her medical bill dumped out of a taxi cab on the curb of a rescue mission, still in her hospital gown.
"SiCKO" is a difficult film to watch, but it questions why Americans still cling to a system that's not working. One of the most powerful interviews in the film was with a retired Labour member of Parliament in England, who said his country's national healthcare system came in 1948, after World War II when everybody in the country felt it was a duty to have free health care. People needed to take care of each other, he said. Such a beautiful sentiment rarely vocalized or practiced in this country.

Rush

Went to the Rush concert at the Tweeter Center in Camden last night. Rush is one of my favorite bands and the Canadian power trio put on a fantastic show. They played some of their greatest hits; "Tom Sawyer". "Witch Hunt", "Subdivisions", "Train to Bangkok", "Circumstances", "Freewill" and "Spirit of the Radio". They also played a lot of their new stuff from their current album "Snakes and Arrows." This was the third Rush concert I've attended - the first was for Power Windows in 1986 and the second was Roll the Bones in 1992. Rush is one of those bands that puts on a great stageshow; the cartoons, lasers and pyrotechnics were visually stunning. Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson and Neil Pert are some of the greatest rock musicians today, with skill and dedication that's improved with the band's 33 years of performing. It was really one hell of a show and I have to say this: Neil Pert is the greatest drummer I've ever seen, bar none.

Hurt

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

- Trent Reznor
"Hurt"

The best version of this song I heard was the rendition by country legend Johnny Cash. Talk about a song that provokes instant crying. This song sums up how I've felt over the last two weeks: the guilt, the pain, the loss. That's really all I can say now.

Anhedonia

I've never been this depressed. I can function fine, but there are days when I just wonder what's the point to everything. I went to a comic book show in Philadelphia this weekend. The main hall was filled with comic books, toys, artists and video games. And all I could think was what's the point? It's all just a distraction, just colorful brain candy meant to grab our attention briefly. So I attended a seminar given by a bigwig in the comic business and learned much about breaking into comics. But I just didn't want to be there. I just got up and left and returned to the main hall, where I ran into two of my fraternity brothers from college. That was the highlight of my day, seeing people I hadn't seen in 14 years. Both of them are proud parents and divorcees. It was really good talking to them again.
I did meet Jim Steranko, a legendary artist, writer and magician who was the inspiration for the Escapist. He autographed a copy of Domino Lady, a good classic pulp.
I don't know why I'm bitching about this. I should be grateful for being alive. I should count my blessings. I should be happy. But I'm not. I'm miserable. I walk around work like a zombie, my appetite decreased and I only get a few hours of sleep at night. I used to like going to these conventions, but the whole show was a disappointment. I'm finding that with most everything I do lately.
What's the point?

Change

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?

If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?

-Tracy Chapman
“Change”

I made some selfish decisions recently that cost me one of my closest friends. Namely, last week I lied to somebody I’ve known for over 12 years. It was a very selfish and cowardly thing to do, and her expulsion from my life caused to make me think hard about myself and my past actions. Basically, it forced me to evaluate my life and how I treat others close to me.
Though I loved this friend very much and her leaving me caused great sorrow and melancholy, it also prodded me to take certain actions I’ve been delaying for some time.
I became closer to people I’ve neglected and had a very moving conversation with someone I really needed to talk to, someone I loved and lost. It brought both of us closure and I can finally move on to a new chapter in my life. It also brought me new advice from someone I’ve sought help from for over two years, and I learned a lot about my behavior. I’ve lived my life in irrational fear, afraid to change. Because of this fear, I acted in destructive ways. Lies tear down and destroy, while the truth builds us up.
I may have lost a good friend, but I gained a new realization of myself and a better way of living my life.
As if the Gods were telling me I was on the right path, today I had lunch at a Chinese restaurant and got this fortune in my fortune cookie: "Discontent is the fist step in the progress of a man or a nation."
How very true, considering everything that's happened to me lately.