Change

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?

If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?

-Tracy Chapman
“Change”

I made some selfish decisions recently that cost me one of my closest friends. Namely, last week I lied to somebody I’ve known for over 12 years. It was a very selfish and cowardly thing to do, and her expulsion from my life caused to make me think hard about myself and my past actions. Basically, it forced me to evaluate my life and how I treat others close to me.
Though I loved this friend very much and her leaving me caused great sorrow and melancholy, it also prodded me to take certain actions I’ve been delaying for some time.
I became closer to people I’ve neglected and had a very moving conversation with someone I really needed to talk to, someone I loved and lost. It brought both of us closure and I can finally move on to a new chapter in my life. It also brought me new advice from someone I’ve sought help from for over two years, and I learned a lot about my behavior. I’ve lived my life in irrational fear, afraid to change. Because of this fear, I acted in destructive ways. Lies tear down and destroy, while the truth builds us up.
I may have lost a good friend, but I gained a new realization of myself and a better way of living my life.
As if the Gods were telling me I was on the right path, today I had lunch at a Chinese restaurant and got this fortune in my fortune cookie: "Discontent is the fist step in the progress of a man or a nation."
How very true, considering everything that's happened to me lately.