Sunday, December 31, 2006
Man, did 2006 suck or what?
It was 365 days of blowing hot white chunks all over my life. I know I should be grateful, but damn, come on! What a freakin' letdown that was.
I know I should be all happy and sing Auld Lang Syne, drink champagne and get blown by a Thai hooker, but I just don't want to. The only happy thing I'll be thinking about is kissing this shitty year goodbye.
On the plus side, I did do some interesting things in 2006. I started standup comedy, finished the draft for The Ravaged Earth Society, wrote a play, won a journalism award, met some interesting if not unbalanced people and saw a Broadway show. Okay, so I'm boring!
I want to keep busy in 2007 and get a lot accomplished. I don't believe in wasting time. Ever. Like President John Kennedy said, "We must use time as a tool not as a couch." And this from a guy who boffed Marilyn Monroe, so he knows a lot about couches.
I hope 2007 is going to be a very challenging, fun, healthy and profitable year for me. Oh, and lucky. Yeah, I need all the luck I can get!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Went to Atlantic City twice this week, once to hang out with friends at Tropicana and to watch a comedy show at Catch a Rising Star at Resorts. Jimmy Graham, my comedy mentor performed and he killed. The guy will be really big in the next couple of years. He's a total genius.
We talked about how Mike Tyson got pulled over for drugs in a car stop in Arizona.
I added, "Yeah, and President Ford died. How will our country deal with that?"
Okay, so I'm a smartass. Who's the budding comedian here?
I did watch Ford's funeral procession on the news and saw the military honor guard remove the flag-draped casket from Air Force One and saw the motorcade take the casket to Alexandria, Va., where Ford once lived, and then through the streets of Washington. The news commentators said how it was the passing of an era, that Ford embodied a political style that no longer existed. They said it was a time when Republicans and Democrats, after spending the day arguing on the Hill, shared a beer and talked after hours. There was real bipartisanship in the 1970s. There also was cocaine and swinging and disco, but the sentiment was clear. Both parties now resoundingly suck. They're too factionalized and nobody works together. I blame the Baby Boomers. During the 1970s, you had the World War II generation running things and they had this shared experience of war to bind them together. Now you have the hippies and establishment fighting the Vietnam War all over again. Fuck that shit.
It's great seeing these old guys come out of the woodwork and lionize Ford. Chevy Chase should stumble and fall one last time at the funeral. It'll be classic.
I like how these commentators praise Ford as a healing president who pardoned Nixon for the good of the nation. Pardoning Nixon was the dumbest thing Ford did. It cost him re-election and stuck us with Carter. Hey, I know Jimmy Carter meant well and is one of our most cherished ex-presidents. He's stood firm on civil rights, peace in the Middle East and did wonders with Habitat For Humanity. But as president, Carter sucked on ice.
Speaking of people who suck, I saw the execution of Saddam Hussein. I knew as soon as U.S. troops found him squatting in that spider hole in 2003, he was toast. It was only a matter of time before they'd execute him. Chalk it up as a belated Christmas present to President Bush who keeps Saddam's revolver as some kind of sacred relic in the White House. In ten years that revolver will be in the Smithsonian Museum or the Bush Presidential Library. Whatever.
Strange thing about the execution was Saddam refused to wear a hood. See, if it were me, I'd ask to wear a rubber mask of Bush. I mean, if they're gonna hang me, I might as well throw an additional "fuck you imperialist swine" in there and wear a Bush mask. But then again, I'm the budding comedian. Fuck you. That was funny.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Gerald Rudolph Ford
July 14, 1913 - December 26, 2006
I was six when Ford pardoned Nixon, so my awareness of Ford's presidency was nil. However, that act seen by modern historicans as one of healing national divides cost Ford the election in 1976. Interestingly enough, New Jersey went to Ford, the only Mid-Atlantic state to do so.
From reading up on him, Ford seemed like a nice guy. Sure, he was well-connected, and these connections served him. He was not vindictive or spiteful and wanted Democrats and Republicans to work together, a spirit of bipartisanship you just don't see anymore.
He was the first unelected president, appointed by Nixon to replace Agnew as vice president and assumed the presidency when Nixon resigned. Ford spent only two and a half years in office.
I'm kind of ambivalent over Ford. My knowledge of him comes from what I read. When Nixon died in 1994, I watched the funeral on CNN and saw Bob Dole lose it and leave crying. But it was Nixon, a political titan whose infamous deeds shook American's faith and trust in their government. His death provoked strong emotions. What about Ford? Here was a guy who was lampooned by Saturday Night Live, who survived two assassination attempts and who pardoned a corrupt president and saw the withdrawl of troops from Vietnam.
What if Ford hadn't pardoned Nixon? What if he turned on his old boss? Would he have handled inflation or recession differently than Carter? Who knows. Someone write the alternate history story for this and let me know if we'd be better or worse.
Like Harry Truman and Theodore Roosevelt, Ford was thrust into office unwillingly. he did what he thought was right and never waivered, never relied on any stupid public opinion polls and had an earthy humanity about him. In many ways, Ford was better than the robots we have running the show these days.
He had two really good quotes that struck me:
"The political lesson of Watergate is this: Never again must America allow an arrogant, elite guard of political adolescents to by-pass the regular party organization and dictate the terms of a national election."
"I guess it just proves that in America anyone can be President."
Sunday, December 24, 2006
This really is a great holiday treat. Finally, we're publishing TRES stuff. It's taken two years for me to get to this point, and the guys at Double G Press did a great job with the layout, maps and everything. I'm proud of how this turned out. Hopefully, we'll get a great response from this one and that'll bolster sales next year. Pulp adventures have a tougher time selling than say, sword and sorcery. Dungeons & Dragons remains the strongest selling RPG of all time and that inspired a lot of knock-offs, clones and ancillary products.
TRES is different from anything else out there. It uses Pinnacle Entertainment Group's Savage Worlds gaming system better than most Savage Worlds games. It has what many other games don't have: a metaplot and interesting story. I designed the game to have an engrossing story that absorbs players into it.
It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears from a lot of people to make this game. Search for the Fountain of Youth is a starting point to thrilling pulp adventure in the alternate world of Ravaged Earth!
Friday, December 15, 2006
Finally, I managed to get a breather today. The office received a generous gift of cookies, fruit and brownies from the newspaper's printing company in Wall, NJ. We spent the day munching cookies, apples and brownies and looking forward to Christmas. I did some Christmas shopping and will probably finish it all next week. I'm finally getting into the holiday spirit!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Plus, I've been careless at work. Granted, it's not the kind of job where if you slip up, people die. Chernobyl, anyone? No, it's more like making omissions and not maintaining the quality of my writing. I noticed the articles I wrote at the beginning of 2006 were a lot stronger. I think the problem is going to jury duty once a week, on Tuesdays, a real critical day in my work schedule. My last day for jury duty is next Tuesday, then it'll be all done.
My boss wants to give me a whole week off between Christmas and New Years. I don't want to take off then. I just want off on the 26th. I'm saving my vacation days for next year, when I can travel. I'd like to return to California, to visit relatives in LA. Maybe I'll do that, maybe I won't. Who knows?I haven't taken a real vacation since 2003, so maybe I'm overdue for one.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Kim Dowd went to high school with me. You know it's Christmastime when she rolls out CookieCam. What is CookieCam, you ask? Kim sets up her webcam and bakes cookies! You can almost smell the warm cookie smell wafting through your computer. Kim bakes everything from snickerdoodles, gingerbread, sugar cookies and oatmeal cookies, and you can see it all live during December. Yum!
Monday, December 11, 2006
Whatever. Anyway, Nesh, I'll miss you.
Here's the obit:
NESHAN, JR. "NESH" BEDROSSIAN, age 52, on Dec. 6, 2006 of Conshohocken. Beloved son of the late Neshan and Frances (Cardamone) Bedrossian. Brother of Agnes B. Fuller (Richard), Barsoom John Bedrossian. Uncle of Vincent M. Totaro, III, Jane Frances Bedrossian, Stephen Neshan Bedrossian. Relatives and friends are invited to his Funeral Mass Mon. Dec. 11, 2006 at 10:30 A.M. at SS. Cosmas and Damian Church, 209 W. 5th Ave., Conshohocken, PA.
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
the U.S. should begin diplomatic strategies with Syria and Iran regarding Iraq;
take steps to resolve the Arab-Israeli conflict and secure a long lasting peace in the Middle East;
the U.S. should give $5 billion in assistance and aid and encourage other countries for help;
encourage international investment in Iraq's oil production.
Moreover, the commission declared current U.S. actions aren't working and troops could come home as early as 2008.
So basically, the strongarm tactics taken by the administration caused more harm than good, alienated our allies and made us look like the steroid-addicted, jingoistic rednecks we are.
Another thing: I've noticed some Republicans labeling those who disagree with their party's agenda in Iraq as "anti-American." Is this what 21st Century political debate has devolved into? If you don't support us, you must hate America? So people who agree with you must love their country and those who have the freedom to disagree with you don't? This is really Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Dr. Laura bullshit. I call it like I see it. Do I agree with the Democrats goals of reducing the size of our military and canning missle defense? No, I don't. But I don't think they're proposing it because they want to see the Bedouins seize the country, rape our women and destroy our civilization.
Politics is for the retarded. The propaganda slingers and pundits and hacks froth at the mouth with double-speak and lies. They're paid to trump their party's agenda. I'm not interested in political parties. To me, they're just cultists addicted to their own flavor of Kool Aid.
I want America to be safe. I want our country to prosper. I want to be able to ride on an airplane from one coast to the other without worrying if some shish-kebob munching zealot will blow me up. For my money, we need stronger national security. But we also can't isolate ourselves from our allies. We need to work together. You don't shit on your allies, you help them. That's how you earn respect. That's the way America should be.
We're the good guys, despite the fact we have a suspicious and paranoid administration.
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Saw "The Notorious Bettie Page" bio pic. The actress playing Bettie, Gretchen Moll, did a great job. The film proves what I knew all along, that brunettes totally rule.
It's a pretty good movie with a lot of information I never knew about her. I did know she worked for Irving Klaw in the 1950s as a model and was into making bondage/dominatrix films. I wasn't aware that she was more photographed than Marilyn Monroe and Cindy Crawford put together. I also was unaware of her strong religious background and how after she left modeling she became heavily active in her church. She was naive and young and didn't understand she was participating in a sexy romp in front of the camera.
There was always this mysterious aura about Bettie Page. I first became aware of her in my early 20s and back then, nobody knew where she was. She'd been out of the public eye for many years when the resurgance kicked in. A cult following formed around these grainy black and white, campy images of a beautiful brunette in stockings and wielding a whip. Now Bettie Page can be found on lunchboxes, T-shirts and in books dedicated to her photos. Once obscene materials and the subject of Congressional hearings, her image is a tame throwback to milder times, when titillation meant brown paper wrapped magazines and discrete ogling of a shapely calf, a high heel and a sly smile.
Monday, December 4, 2006
Spencer's Gifts is carrying Pornaments. This is what our civilization has produced: eroticized Christmas tree ornaments. As if commercialism of Christmas wasn't bad enough, now this. Nothing celebrates the birth of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as elves with huge tits. What's next? Easter decorations showing the Easter Bunny fucking an egg?
I'm a pretty tolerant person, but trying to make Christmas pornographic is a bit, well, tacky. It's a holiday for kids, and you have Pornaments showing snowmen fucking and gingerbread men with giant cocks.
On Christmas morning, hang these on the tree and show the kids.
"What did Santa leave for you, Jeffy?"
"It's an elf with a candy cane for a dick! Merry Christmas!!"
I mean if you want to eroticize a holiday, why not something like Arbor Day or the Fourth of July? How about St. Patrick's Day decorations that read "Blow Me I'm Irish?"
I dunno. Pornographic Christmas tree decorations seems too over the top. Then again, it is Spencer's Gifts, whose headquarters is located a mere few miles from me. This is the same outfit that sells fake vomit, sex toys and other suggestive paraphernalia. So, yeah: Pornaments are right at home here.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
It's bizarre and funny and blends Eastern philosophy with modern technology and our dependence on said technology. The more I work on it, the cooler it becomes.
I would like to eventually take all of these short stories and publish them in a book. Maybe some day....some day....
Monday, November 27, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
| Humphrey Bogart|
You scored 42% Tough, 9% Roguish, 38% Friendly, and 14% Charming!
| You're the original man of honor, rough and tough but willing to stick your neck out when you need to, despite what you might say to the contrary. You're a complex character full of spit and vinegar, but with a soft heart and a tender streak that you try to hide. There's usually a complicated dame in the picture, someone who sees the real you behind all the tough talk and can dish it out as well as you can. You're not easy to get next to, but when you find the right partner, you're caring and loyal to a fault. A big fault. But you take it on the chin and move on, nursing your pain inside and maintaining your armor...until the next dame walks in. Or possibly the same dame, and of all the gin joints in all the world, it had to be yours. Co-stars include Ingrid Bergman and Lauren Bacall, hot chicks with problems.|
Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the
|Link: The Classic Leading Man Test written by gidgetgoes on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test|
Saturday, November 25, 2006
You know, I like people who talk about politics. I like hearing their arguments and their passion and their take on the issues of the day. The night was basically how the Republicans fucked up and how Bush is an idiot. Everyone I talked to, it was the same thing. And the points aren't as clearly argued as the Oxford Debating Society. It boils down to Bush + Cheney = idiots.
Or Bush + Iraq = stupid. Or Bush = idiot(squared).
Call me a heretic, but I don't think Bush is an idiot, not in the strictest sense. I don't think he sits in a corner, drools and plays with his penis, although some recent decisions made by his administration might seem to indicate this. No, I don't think he's purposefully stupid. He might suffer from dementia. He might not be the most elloquent speaker and might stumble over his words. Again, could be dementia.
You could look up speeches Bush gave as governor during the 1990s and you'll see a clear, crisp, sharp speaker. Then look at the speeches he gave while president and you'll see Corky from "Life Goes On." I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend Corky fans out there.
I think something is up with the president. I think he acts like a 'tard because he might be losing it and can't admit it because it'll make him look weak. FDR was crippled with polio, a secret his people kept cleverly hidden. Couldn't this be the same thing with Bush?
Bush has got to be losing it. Who else but someone with dementia refuse to admit what's going on in Iraq is not a civil war, when all evidence points to the contrary. Fact is, this administration is out of tricks. They've been playing Wizard of Oz so long, instructing the American people not to look behind the curtain, the same curtain that obscured the caskets of soldiers the news media couldn't photograph or the 9/11 Commission the president opposed or that maybe Osama bin Laden slipped away from us.
Well, the curtain's ripped open and the administration can't hide. The Democrats have Congress. Time to 'fess up and admit this thing in Iraq is a quagmire.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my talents. I am thankful for my job. I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful for the chance to learn about myself and my world. I am thankful for my voice. I am thankful for my country. I am thankful for my freedom. I am thankful for everything I've done and all I've yet to do. I am thankful for love. I am thankful for my faith. And as a comedian, I am thankful a well-timed penis joke can stir the crowd when your material fails to click.
Happy T-day, folks!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
You are The Hermit
Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.
The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.
The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.
The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Anyway, I'm really excited about seeing The Wingman on stage. It's the first thing I've written with Movie Magic Screenwriter. That's the best screenwriting software ever. Hey, if it's good enough for the guys from South Park, it's good enough for me.
The Wingman is the story of Mike and Geoff, two roommates who want to get women. Geoff agrees to be the wingman for his nebbishy roomie Mike, who just went through a divorce and is jaded with the dating scene. During their night at a club, Geoff repeatedly strikes out and proves himself the worst wingman in history. That is, until he meets Janine, who is also jaded of dating and has trust issues. They all spar over love, sex and what people really want and discover despite their differences, men and women need the same thing from each other.
I've started making notes on my next stage play, something a bit more involved and political and about the last election. More to come...
Monday, November 20, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
I've written a few short erotica stories in the last few years. It's a genre I really never considered before. Most of my writing is journal writing, straight fiction or adventure fiction. I've even dabbled in a Lovecraft-inspired horror story. Erotica is something I thought too tawdry, but once I explored it in writing, it became deeper and meaningful in a certain way. Considering most of my work has humor in it, combining humor with erotica proved challenging. One of the first humorous stories with sex was My Bachelor Party, a true documentary on my bachelor party with some fiction bits thrown in. My second straight-up erotic story was called Night of Bacchus, a snapshot of college life as told by a group of friends into group sex. That one, unfortunately, was not autobiographical. I think personal erotica is the strongest because you're placing your own feelings and thoughts into the work. Many people are turned off by graphic descriptions of sex, but if you're writing about sex and the carnal experiences in question happen to be your own, you approach the work with authority. My latest erotica story is called Riding Veronica, and it's my most personal work to date. It's about reconnecting with an old love in the middle of our lives and rekindling passion after unsuccessful marriages. It's also about heartache and emotion, two things seemingly absent from erotica. I think for erotica to work, it can't simply be pornographic. There has to be an element of desire, of lust, and of willingness. Above all, it can't be a blow-by-blow gropefest. There has to be an element of passion.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
I love Scarface. Al Pachino literally becomes Tony Montana. It's one of the most violent, gritty, rough films to watch, and yet there's a sort of tender and moral side to the Tony Montana character. Sure, he's a murderous drug dealer who squeaks his way to the top by taking down those he slaves for, but he wants his wife Elvira to be happy and he wants his family to share in his success. When he refuses to help a hired assassin kill the intended target because the target's wife and kids are in the car, Montana is taken down by the big Colombian kingpin for fucking up.
For the last few weeks my eyes bled playing Scarface for the XBox. It's compared to GTA but it's not the same, really. Sure, gameplay is a little monotonous with your character having to drive all over Miami selling coke, but the rewards are worth the tediousness. Scarface the game is better than The Godfather game by leaps and bounds. And like the movie, you get to go berserk and waste an army of guys as you take over Miami neighborhood by neighborhood. And when you travel to the islands to raid a coke baron's plantation, the fun is just beginning!
Thursday, November 9, 2006
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
In New Jersey Senator Menendez flattened Tom Kean, Jr., but I wasn't surprised. I interviewed Kean and I can say this boy is weak. He's very weak. Like I'd be amazed if he's mature enough to grow pubic hair that's how much of a boy he is. He just seemed like the kind of guy who went to college, joined a frat and then spent years trolling on his daddy's yacht. Not that I have any disrespect for Kean, Sr. I admire Kean, Sr. very much. It's his son I can't figure out. And the strange thing is about Kean Jr. is we're both around the same age. He's a Gen Xer like myself. While we were in our twenties and in college, Kurt Cobain offed himself. When we were in our late twenties, the president of the United States admitted he got a knob-job from a White House intern. And we both came into our thirties during 9/11. So we've seen the country change during the prime of our lives. Yet I can't imagine why Kean Jr. was such a tool, spouting rhetoric after carefully rehearsed rhetoric. It's like they drained the passion out of him and replaced him with a clone spewing hackneyed slogans and slinging mud at the Democrats.
And that's the whole Greek tragedy of the election. The mighty Republicans, the party of morality and Christian love and compassion fell under the weight of scandal, hypocrasy and weak leadership. In fighting the enemies of Rome, they became as drunk with power and as corrupt as the Romans themselves and they did themselves in.
An unpopular war and an even more unpopular president and an arrogance unmatched in recent U.S. history is what did them in. Oh, and it doesn't help to have a Congressman resign after sending selacious e-mails to underage pages, either!
Sunday, November 5, 2006
That's Captain Jack Sparrow to you. Just hearing the sound of your name is enough to send a chill up the spine of good, law-abiding colonials. Well, not so much a chill up the spine, but it's very likely to get them rolling their eyes, at least. Fever-addled and nonsensical at first appearance, your wits-- and the healthiest dose of luck on the Spanish Main-- keep you afloat no matter what life throws at you. Unless the rum's gone.
Which Pirates of The Caribbean Character Are You?
Find out at Shiver My Timber-- A Pirate RPG
Friday, October 27, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Horatio gave you ATomato.
Zoidberg gave you AnApple.
Destiny gave you TheElixirofLife.
TomSawyer gave you ASpork.
You had a terrific time until Aramis killed your parents.
What's Your Trick-or-Treat Haul?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
Friday, October 20, 2006
Now I'm back, and I've got a whole lot to say about life, my world, politics, humor, love and war.
Like Bette Davis said in All About Eve, "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!"
So for those who don't know me and have inadvertantly stumbled upon this blog searching for pictures of Lindsay Lohan or looking for ass-to-mouth porn, welcome. I am currently 37, currently an award-winning journalist in New Jersey working for a small weekly paper. My hobbies include writing, reading, collecting comic books and graphic novels, science fiction TV, stand-up comedy, and designing role-playing games. I like weight lifting, traveling and studying and writing about history. I'm a national park junkie: I've visited national parks all across America. I've been to England, Ireland and Canada. I snuck into a former New Jersey governor's office and sat at his desk while he entertained guests at Drumthwacket, the governor's mansion. I've modeled tuxedos for a bridal fashion show, and I've performed stand-up comedy in front of a club full of drunken patrons. I've had a pretty bizarre life, and things are only going to get weirder. Here's hoping they do...