Friday, November 13, 2009

Bacon Flavored What?

After combing through the Coca-Cola website and finding no mention of Diet Coke with Bacon, I want to officially log this as an Internet rumor.
I mean, come on: Diet Coke with Bacon?
Just what fat ass America needs: sugar water that tastes like processed, fried pork. What's next? Twinkies that taste like Steak-umms?
What an inspiring site: a nation of lard butts slurping soft drinks that taste like breakfast meats.
The problem with the mythical Diet Coke with Bacon is that, despite its preposterousness, it could be a real product. That shows you just how fucked up America is today: when a spoof like Diet Coke with Bacon could actually be real.
The most amazing thing is that many people think Coca-Cola is coming out with a bacon flavored Diet Coke. They post comments on blogs, describing their joy and saying they can't wait to taste it. Are you people completely insane? Did the shortbus from Bellevue let you out? The thought of a bacon flavored cola doesn't sound appetizing at all.
Does this reflect a growing trend in the lack of taste with the American palate, or a lack of common sense with the American mind?
Bacon flavored Diet Coke? What fucking trailer park are you people from?
Current Coca-Cola products include Lime Coke, Cherry Coke, Lemon Coke. There's even a Vanilla Coke and a Raspberry Coke. Overseas they have Citrus Coke and Orange Coke.
In fact, browsing the Coca-Cola website and doing a Google search for Coke flavors, I have yet to encounter accurate or official information about bacon flavored Diet Coke.
So yeah, it's a joke.
And people fell for it.
Bacon flavored Diet Coke. The thought of bacon in an effervescent, carbonated form tickling my nose is repulsive. Why stop at bacon? Why not Philly cheesesteak Diet Coke? Instead of pizza and Coke, how about Pizza flavored Coke? Can't you taste the tangy mozzarella and tomato sauce along with the baked dough mingled with the refreshing taste of that All-American beverage, Coke?
Of course you can't, dipshit! They're not making Pizza flavored Coke!
Hey, now that we're on a roll at making preposterous shit up, why not Lobster flavored Sprite, Cheeseburger flavored 7Up or Garlic flavored Dr. Pepper? How about a Fanta that tastes like Megan Fox's vagina?
It's only a matter of time, America.
And also a matter of taste.

1 comment:

Silver said...

Hare The One!

yes.. bacon ice cream!