Thursday, June 24, 2010

Burgers and Bullshit



So President Barack Obama and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev took a breather from important White House meetings to have lunch at Ray's Hell Burger in Arlington, Va. today.
I guess the drive thru at the Jack in the Box was too full.
There's a certain decorum with being the head of state, an image based on refinement which should awe the hoi polloi into a state of pride and wonder.
Eating off bone china in the State Dining Room, hosting a soiree at Camp David or a banquet aboard Air Force One are all events the President of the United States should engage in. Even participating in secret rites beneath a huge owl statue at the Bohemian Grove makes good PR for POTUS.
Obama's tactics are abundantly blue collar, meant to define himself not as a Washington insider but as a man of the people.
I'm not saying the president should be carried everywhere on a solid gold sedan chair lifted by elephants while Nubian slaves cool him off with ostrich feathers, but taking the Russian president out for burgers is just tacky.
Thanks to an obsequious media, we know exactly what the two world leaders ate. Obama had a cheeseburger with cheddar cheese, onion, lettuce, tomato and pickles and drank iced tea. Medvedey had a cheeseburger with cheddar, onion, jalapenos and mushrooms and drank Coke. Both men shared an order of fries.
They might not agree on everything, but they can share fries.
Are they dating? What's next? Sharing a milkshake with two straws?
Notice how the Russian had the jalapenos? Obama should prove his strength by eating a burger with ten habaneros, wasabi sauce and a hunk of lava.
Nobody would call him a sissy or question his patriotism then!
It's great that First Lady Michelle Obama's obesity initiative is going so well. With the president scarfing down burgers, it's a fine example to set for the little butterballs who park their Zeppelin-sized asses in front of the TV and binge on Doritos all day.
What's next for the president? Taking Medvedey out to Scores and stuffing dollar bills in a stripper's g-string while discussing nuclear proliferation and economic recovery? Talking about global energy initiatives over a bong?
There's a price with trying to look cool to a world not used to it.
Giving an iPod to Queen Elizabeth II and 25 DVDs to former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown that were not formated to European DVD players is simply stupid. A first edition of Mark Twain or Walt Whitman would have sufficed as a part of America's history, but Obama chose to give current technology. Maybe the gift was supposed to reflect where America was going, the mass-produced, information culture of Chinese-made crap that Americans can't live without. Maybe by proving that he was a young, urbane president plugged into the 21st Century, he'd show those stuffy European countries that the United States dominates world culture.
Maybe eating fattening fast food is his way of saying that he's a regular guy, an Average Joe and just as piss-poor as the rest of us slobs.
I don't want my president to have a crafted image of a regular guy. I want him to look and act like a president should: haughty and clueless and tethered to a plutocratic oligarchy. Like Reagan or Bush. Some wealthy, pampered fool who doesn't even know what a cheeseburger is.
Maybe then we can get rid of the fluff and start concentrating on real substance instead of splitting fries with the Ruskies.

1 comment:

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