Friday, August 31, 2012


Today is my birthday.

I'm 43.

Jesus, that's old.

When I was a kid, I couldn't imagine me at 43. Back then, 43 was ancient. I lacked a concept of middle age. Hell, I couldn't envision life beyond 30.

But here I am. All 43 years of me.

Fuck, this is depressing.

Getting old is a penance, a price we pay for hanging around, for breathing another year, of existing on this dirt ball hurtling around the sun.

I think about the absolutely shitty year I've had, 365 days of vapid, wretched sloth and humdrum routine, and then I realize how privileged I am to make it this far.

Life is a game, and if you stay in it long enough, you might just see flying cars.

That's my hope anyway. Some day there will be cars flying through the atmosphere, taking us to a bright future where mankind stands as a shining bulwark of progress and Todd Akin works as a rape crisis counselor.

Because the future is tinged with irony.

Today my girlfriend bought me my birthday present: two suggestive T-shirts from Spencer's. Now my taste in T-shirts is eclectic and bizarre, dabbling in everything to pop culture, gaming and other weirdness I wish to wear emblazoned across my chest. I'm very picky about my T-shirts, any buy them for myself, rarely seeking any out as a gift.

So my girlfriend bought me two shirts, both of which I cannot wear in public for obvious reasons.

Though I curse like a Brooklyn sailor let loose in a Shanghai brothel, I don't enjoy profanity on my clothing. It's not edgy or cute, just profane and vulgar. However, as hanging-around-the-house-shirts and sleeping shirts, these two tees are perfect.

"I Killed the Honey Badger 'cause I Don't Give a Shit" is from a viral video about the honey badger, who acts all badass because, like the narrator proclaims, "he doesn't give a shit."

"Fuck you thunder! You can suck my dick!" is from the hilarious comedy Ted, a story about a talking bear who sings the "Thunder Song" with his adult owner, or "Thunder Buddy" as a way of calming them both during thunder storms.

While these two shirts aren't the peak of fashion and will probably get me arrested in public, they're a nice addition to my personal wardrobe.

One added bonus today: We had a day off from work. Labor Day is on Monday, instead of taking off then like the rest of the normal population, we have off on Friday. So not only is it my birthday, it is the beginning of a three-day weekend.

Tonight my girlfriend and I are headed to Atlantic City to celebrate, and tomorrow we're going to see one of my favorite comedians, Louie C.K.

Maybe there will be cake, ice cream or alcohol. Who knows? At age 43, I'm too old to care, just like the honey badger.  Like that hardy and ravenous critter, I just don't give a shit.

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