It's 1994.
CompuServe connects humanity, a network beholden to subscribers chattering
about politics, pop culture and fetish porn. Truly the Internet's darkest days.
Amid this cesspool of text and Netscape Navigator's crude pixels,
CompuServe subscribers engaged in pernicious flame wars and mundane conversation in
a multitude of forums.
So 24-year-old me
stumbled upon the religion forum and discovered the Church of the Bunny, a
cyber-religion by a group of people tired of religious fundamentalism. A nice
man named Rich Coleman from Virginia assumed the mantle of Pope Rich, the
church's creator. If you "joined" the Church of the Bunny, you were
given a regal title and addressed as such. I started out as Father Eric, but
was "promoted" to Lt. Jr. Grade Pope Eric. Not too shabby.
So what did the
Church of the Bunny actually do? Pretty much anything. The whole idea was to
have fun according to the Bunny, a gigantic rabbit and the church's fluffy,
cuddly deity. Church members engaged in silly banter, chatted and griped about their daily lives, and generally were just awesome to each other.
In the vein of the
Church of the SubGenius, I created an official Church of the Bunny logo and
newsletter. I designed and printed out the newsletter on my computer,
photocopied and distributed it throughout the country, to the ten or so members
who requested it. I published a few issues before tackling the biggest project,
the Church of the Bunny's bible. Organized religions must have their own tracts
and scriptures, written teachings available to the unwashed masses. Why can't
the Church of the Bunny get a taste of proselytizing bliss?
The Book of the
Bunny (as this most holy hopping tome is called) began as a few CompuServe
posts, organized like the bible with chapters and verses. Somewhere it morphed
into a printed book complete with illustrations and a dogmatic treatise of
rules and regulations. I printed out one solitary copy, stuffed it in a box and
forgot about it.
Years passed. I had
moved away from my childhood home, gotten married, then divorced, then rented
an old apartment. All my worldly possessions jammed into one small room I
called the "junk room". While rifling through these boxes, I made a
miraculous discovery. Crammed at the bottom of a cardboard box, underneath a
stack of old bills and weepy, angsty poetry, was the elusive Book of the Bunny
and the newsletters! They hadn't been pulped to nothingness as I once thought.
They survived the move! Praise the Bunny!
Perusing these
writings, has left me with a few impressions:
1. Apparently I was
very talented, funny and energetic.
2. I also was a
decent cartoonist.
3. The people on
that CompuServe forum long ago appreciated my twisted sense of humor.
Where am I going
with all of this?
Time is the great
equalizer. The older I get, the more nostalgic I feel. Even though CompuServe,
the Church of the Bunny and the goofy kid I used to be no longer exist, having
this antiquated document reminds me of that bygone age. It was the first time I
conversed via Internet with people who lived across the country. We shaped and
crafted this bizarre and silly thing, this funny religion based around bunnies,
napping and snacking. A shot of innocence during an innocent age.
2014 makes it 20
years since the Church of the Bunny became a thing. Two decades have passed. As
such, it's incumbent upon me to celebrate the Book of the Bunny's sanctified
existence. I scanned the whole megillah and am offering it to the world. Read
the divinely-inspired madness from the Church of the Bunny. Uncover lost wisdom
of the Book of Bunesis, thrill to the Bunny reproduction manual, and sing to a
selection of church hymns. The book also has an official Church of the Bunny
membership card and papal indulgence for those times temptation beckons.
BE FOREWARNED! This
is a HUGE file. At 93.7 MB, it takes up scads o' space, so be aware before
downloading. Also, the quality of the book is pretty amateurish. Hey, I was 24,
with limited resources. I proofread it the best I could, but spelling and
grammatical mistakes are bound to pop up.
That's about it. I'm
making this PDF available to share the book's rediscovery 20 years later. I've
also included some of the original CompuServe posts to provide a glimpse of
what the Church of the Bunny was like, from the rugged men and women in the trenches who lived it.
If anybody from the
Church of the Bunny is reading this, thank you. All of you. Though you might
not remember me, you left an indelible impact on my life, and forced me to
create this wonderfully ridiculous book.
Peace out.
Book of the Bunny
No comments:
Post a Comment