Change

Change is an inevitable part of life. No one can force you to change - you must change willingly.
For a little over two years my wife and I have been separated. We want to divorce but have questions about the ownership of the house and other financial matters we were solving on our own.
This week we have an appointment with a mediator - the first step in a long overdue process we've put off for two years. During that time we lived apart and I experienced a panic attack due to stress. On Friday night, I had another panic attack, one that forced me to visit the emergency room. I thought I was having a heart attack, but the EKG and blood-sugar tests turned out fine, according to the doctor. I got my blood pressure checked twice and although it was high it did decrease the second time they checked it.
The panic attacks were a result of trying to change when others wanted me to and I wasn't ready. Now I perceive life with caution - my health and well being are vital and essential. The maintenance of my relationships with family and friends is crucial during this time.
The 800-pound gorilla in the room has always been getting divorced. The attacks were a warning that I should calm down and not put things off. I've heard from friends who urged me to get a lawyer and settle things that way, but I guess I was too afraid or just not ready. In liht of recent events, I can't put it off anymore.
The mediator will help us hammer out an agreement, one we both can live with for dividing up our assets. I want to be fair and firm but more importantly, I want it to begin.