I've been a journalist for 14 years and never before have I noticed the utter stupidity filtering through certain national media outlets as I've witnessed in the last few months. Lipstick on a pig, anyone? I remember when election coverage focused on the issues, with a few spasms of bullshit that were usually purged naturally thanks to the 24 hour news cycle.
When I write a political story, I focus on substance and not on gimmicks. I'm not a magician using slight of hand to fool the crowd. Yet political reporting has melded with entertainment. I don't know if I'm reading The Onion or a serious newspaper, and that's fucked up.
Here are some real stories that are just too dumb to be believed:
* Kawasaki is having trouble keeping up orders from people who want the same style glasses as Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.
Really? Are you shitting me? Talk about a nation of sheep.
* Caroline Baum of Bloomberg News uses the phrase "she has tits" live on the air at 'Fox & Friends.'
Jesse Jackson muttered that he wanted to cut Barrack Obama's "nuts out" into a live microphone. Peggy Noonan, referring to the GOP's choice of Palin, said "I think they went for this political bullshit about narratives" into a live microphone. Does anybody really care who says what into a live mic?
* Michelle Obama tells voters not to vote for a candidate because "I like that guy" or that "she's cute." Asked if she was talking about Palin, Michelle Obama replied "I was talking about me."
I actually got stupider reading this drek.
* A Colorado delegate to the Republican National Convention said he took a woman back to his hotel room in Minneapolis and she drugged and robbed him of $50,000.
What? A Republican hooked up with a woman? Actually, this story made me chuckle. Not because of the whole scheudenfraude thing, but because it happened to a Republican lawyer. Karma is a bitch.
* A Denver college professor assigns his students to write an essay critical of Sarah Palin.
Stories like this provoke outrage at the "liberal educators". Who says our colleges foster healthy debate and disagreement? Colleges are depressing robot factories where the robots get drunk to dull the pain of being taught by snotty assholes.
* Hackers break into Palin's e-mail account and the e-mails are leaked to the Associated Press. The Secret Service asks the AP to turn over the e-mails, but the news agency doesn't comply.
Another story meant to frustrate those who perceive the media as being obstructionists in a federal investigation. If I called the shots at the AP, I'd ask the Secret Service for something in return, like dinner at Delmonico's or a blowjob or possibly both.
* Obama mocks McCain while campaigning in Nevada.
Really? You mean candidates aren't civil towards each other? This is kind of like reporting the very obvious.
* Donald Trump endorses McCain on Larry King.
Do readers really care who The Donald supports? He goes on a talk show only octogenarians watch and espouses his political leanings. Thank God they ran this story. I'd hate to go into the voting booth Nov. 4 and scratch my chin, wondering "Now who does Donald Trump support again?"
* The canine star of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" was discovered in a shelter.
The fact that there's even a movie called "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" and the dog is voiced by George Lopez proves without a shadow of a doubt that there is no God and we are alone in a dark and uncaring universe.