Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Pet Peeves

With the Internet used as a personal springboard for emoting and bitching, I thought it would be helpful and informative to list what pisses me off.
The reason for doing this is twofold. First, by listing my pet peeves, I get to vent to the invisible multitudes about what I find truly irritating, and two, by posting this I can warn people in advance about the things that will force me to rip your eyes out and use them as squishy castanets.

My pet peeves:
People who say “think outside the box,” “it’s all good,” or “win-win situation.”
People who talk on their cellphones in a loud volume as to purposefully attract attention.
College girls who let loose ear-shattering drunken screams like “Woooooooo!!!!!”
Longwinded people who keep droning on and on without a specific point.
Fat people who complain how they’re discriminated against for being fat and shove another corndog in their cavernous maws.
People who claim to follow Jesus and then act in the most un-Christian ways.
People who turn their car stereos really loud so you can hear the pulsating bass thumping five blocks away.
Women when they break up with you say, “It’s not you, it’s me…”
Aggressive salespeople who want to sell you something.
Couples who make out and dry hump each other in public.
People who dress their pets in little outfits.
Religious extremists who kill in the name of God.
People who think the world should follow their particular political, religious or social views.
People who think you’re queer because you don’t eat spicy, tongue-burning foods.
Pretentious people.
Tradesmen who intentionally rip you off.
People who display American flags on their lapels, clothing, cars and homes and then criticize you for being unpatriotic.
People who say “the children are our future.” What are our senior citizens, our past?
People bereft of a sense of humor.
People who believe anything Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann or any mainstream media commentator says.
Writers who think they’re God’s gift to literature because they’re published.
Racists or jingoists who believe their own racial or ethnic group is the right one.
People who follow political movements like unquestioning sheep.
Women who complain about men and then lament why they’re single.
Men who try to fuck every woman they see.
Teenagers who show no respect for their elders, namely me.
Women with freakishly long fingernails and puffy collagen-injected lips.
People who beat their kids and husbands who beat their wives.
Preachy vegans who lecture me on why eating meat is wrong.
People who smoke.
Wealthy celebrities or politicians who feel they’re above the law because they have money or connections.
Stupid people.
Women who are as frigid as the Antarctic in bed.
Gun owners with more firearms than most nations whining about their Second Amendment rights being infringed.
Rev. Al Sharpton.
Ann Coulter.
Reality shows featuring whiny twentysomethings.
People who drive like they’re strung out on heroin.
People strung out on heroin.
People with a lot of tattoos.
People who work in public relations.
Parents who push their children into activities the kids don’t enjoy.
People who don’t listen.
People who lack imagination.
People who read blog entries and don’t post comments.


beachman336 said...

Like it but you've really narrowed the field.

Dan said...

You don't like Wooo girls? That's too bad.

Kendra said...

I like the first and last the best! People should posts comments- thats a win win situation- ha