Saturday, March 31, 2007

Thoughts on a Funeral

Most of David's friends from the Malibu group attended the service in Manhattan on Friday. There were a lot of tears but also a lot of laughter as family and friends remembered Rabbi David. He really touched a lot of people's lives and was a very special person. The burial, at Greenwood Cemetery in Brooklyn was very solemn, and David was laid to rest on a beautiful hill overlooking the cemetery with a great view of the Manhattan skyline. David was so many things; a rabbi, a teacher, a musicial, a writer, a science fiction fan and a gamer. Every one who attended shared their memories of David, and although he's gone physically, he's still with many, many people.

It got me thinking about my own life and how I'll be remembered. I ask myself if I have done enough to make the world a better place, to teach people, to illuminate people, to give others of my time and resources? Have I been the best person I could possibly be? Sadly, the answer is no. I have not done enough. Am I living the life I should? What if I were to die tomorrow? Who would attend my funeral? Would anyone even care to travel to it? The answer is, I don't know. I don't know if I have done anything to make the world a better place or to impact the lives of others.

I think I should do something of value with my life. I think I should be more outgoing, more giving, more generous. I want to be remembered. I want to have my life be worth something, to have meaning. Maybe this will be a goal for the remainder of the year. At times I feel like I'm just a non-entity, that I'm just a writer nobody will read. I think I'm too modest, too shy, too awkward. But this is me. This is who I am. Maybe I was never meant to be great, to be consumed with petty, nagging doubts, to just exist. Yet I don't think so. I think God put me on earth for a reason, for a higher purpose. I don't know what it is or when that moment will come. But I am sure it will all be good and it will all make sense.

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